Hi Teen Central!
Its me again. So, it took me a bit of convincing to actually write again, since I felt like I wasn’t going to. That’s a big thing for me. I self-sabotage a lot. It started out since I thought myself to be inferior in 10th grade because my peers, I felt, because of their behavior. They treated me like a piece of crap because I wore different clothes and carried myself with a different air. In other words, they just made me feel like I was the stupid one when I’m literally smarter than all of them combined. UGHHHH MEAN GIRLS AM I RIGHT!!!!????
And, so like, I also want to come on here to talk about my parents. Also I second guess myself a lot, and it’s really hard for me to really know what I actually want, versus what it is I want myself to want, when in reality I know what I really want. It’s just hard to trust myself since I feel like I’ll make the bad decision and in reality, if I were to just trust myself it would be easier. I need help with this. It’s honestly so hell. I hate my life sometimes since I put myself in situations I KNOW I hate and then get too invested in them to quit. It’s actually so hell, I really hate my life sometimes since it feels like I’m living the life I’m not meant to live.
Well, so back to my parents. My mom and I have a really strained relationship. It started out when I basically violated her trust, and she was really broken for a while. I don’t think she’s ever really gotten over that, and it really just makes me so angry sometimes. So, here’s what happened right now that made my blood absolutely BOIL. So, sometimes my parents get angry at me for literally NO REASON, and they blow things WAY out of proportion. They’re like, “OH! Here we go!”, when they’re referring to something I’m doing/will do in order to bother them or start an argument. I feel like I just wrote that, “to bother them or start and argument”, and it really surprised me since I usually try to argue to my parents that I don’t start an argument with them. So, they basically assume that everything I will do to them is going to cause a problem and they start to get angry and yell at me before I’ve even done anything. It makes me feel really good writing that. Making them feel like the bad guys, even if it’s not 100% true. So, like, OK so I was doing my homework right now, and I have a tendency to not brush my teeth. Like, I can go days without brushing my teeth since I’ll be “doing homework”, but most likely I’ll be procrastinating until 4am in the morning. IT’S SO BAD, my procrastination. It’s seriously terrible and I have lost so many opportunities because of it. I NEED help reeling it in!!! So, I was doing homework and my mom says its time to brush my teeth, really nice and all, and I just go, NO. Like, I don’t yell but I’m just like, no, I will not be doing that. I kind of realize I was in the wrong there writing this out. So, like anyway, next she tells me like, yes, come on! Right now, very sweetly, and I’m still like NO because even if she’s being nice I get defensive and annoyed. It’s like, I feel like it’s kind of the same for her too, now that I realize it. Even if I’m being nice she sometimes reacts in ways she doesn’t need to, and when she’s being nice I react in ways I don’t need to since there’s an underlying root problem we both need to address which is the cause of our flawed relationship. Jeez, revelation time, am I right!!!!!! 😀
So, like then she’s like, “Ok, so you can brush your teeth tomorrow morning, then,” and I’m like “CAN I JUST FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT? PLEASE?” Like, I think she might have said something else, I think she said something else but I’m flat out yelling right now, a little. “JUST THREE MINUTES?” And she’s ready to close the door, but then she’s like, “Ok! Three minutes? Ok!” Very sweetly and all, even though she’s really strained too. And I’m like coming back at her and saying, “Jeez, like, I don’t get why I can’t just have three minutes to finish an assignment. It’s not that big of a deal. Why can’t I have just been given these three minutes” and then SHE starts YELLING WAY LOUDER THAN I WAS and is like “THREE MINUTES OK??? OK THREE MINUTES!!!!” Like, in a “Don’t test me!!! Or you’ll get NOTHING!!!”type of way. I feel like it was really so angry for me to be in this situation. I feel like even though I was probably going to violate her trust again even if she gave me the three minutes, I still should have been given the benefit of the doubt. When the three minutes were up, I was on my LITERAL LAST SENTENCE and she comes into my room and is like, “Three minutes! That was three minutes! The three minutes are up!” and I’m like, “CAN I PLEAASE finish the LAST SENTENCE??” And then she turns around and just leaves and then locks her bedroom door. I go to her room, literally with the paper in my hand finishing the last sentence and knock on her door AND I tell her its done. She asks me if it’s done and then I take the damn thing.
It’s like, typing it out it seems so funny but DON’T LAUGH. It was really emotionally terrible, and I felt like crying afterward and stabbing things.
I feel like I have a lot of emotions and no one to talk to. Like, sure my parents ask me how I feel but I feel like there’s such a huge divide between us. OKAY LIKE there’s NOT, but I like to isolate myself for literally no reason! I get so stressed for going to school sometimes, and I really wish I had my own private care person who would just listen to me and my worries and treat me like a little girl again.
SO PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
I feel like a lot, and I feel like I want to simply puff out all of my emotions.
THANK YOU TEEN CENTRAL!!!!
-Teen who feels like she is going to implode and feels a lot of things in her life!!!!
-L
HELP YOURSELF:
- First thing I want to say is thank you for having the courage to reach out to Teen Central for guidance. Often times, reaching out for help is very difficult, so be proud of yourself for making that big step.
- What you have described about your relationship to your mother seems very stressful and hurtful. Have you ever sat down and talked to her about how you feel? Often times, doing this helps each of you to see where the other is coming from. Start with asking her to have a heart to heart conversation. Explain that you just need to talk about how you are feeling and see if she is open to doing that. You could include your dad in the conversation too.
- Try being open to your parents’ feelings as well during the conversation. If sounds like you want the relationship to get better, which means active effort on both your parts. Remember- they’re human too. Help them understand you and what you need right now.
- As for being different- be proud of your individuality! You and your peers are at an age where you’re trying to figure out where you fit into this world, and it’s not easy. Stay true to yourself, and people who think like you will gravitate your way. Give it time and allow it to happen.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Here at Teen Central, if you go to the “Learn” tab and click on “Family”, there is information on Cognitive traps, All or nothing thinking and Journal questions. I noticed that you picked up on different perspectives after you typed (wrote down your thoughts), and these may help.
- Seeing as it appears that you like writing to express yourself, have you tried journaling? Journaling before you speak to get your thoughts out on paper might be a good way of getting your feelings out. You could use this to prepare you for a talk with your mother or someone you trust. Keep in mind, communication isn’t the goal here, but EFFECTIVE communication is. You’re all expressing feelings, just not in a way that the others will listen.
- It is very important to work on yourself and feel more confident in how you communicate with others. In the Tools section there are several tabs you might find useful:
- Yoga Journaling
- Support Plan
- Daily Tasks
- Conflict Conversation Organizer
- Always remember to keep your chin up and look for solutions that will work best for you. Keep growing and keep learning- that’s how we get better!
