Mom…I feel so damn trapped. I feel like I can’t do anything without you HAVING to know. I feel like I can’t make any decisions myself because you need to decide whether I can or cannot not. I feel like a trapped princess in her tower unable to do anything but sleep in a little space. I want to make decisions on my own, I want to feel like I can make a decision on my own without feeling scared of what you’ll do if you find out. I feel like you think I’m stupid and I’ll do something dumb which I’ll regret in the future. I’m 13 and I know I’m still young and shouldn’t make every decision myself but all I ask is for you to treat me like another human being with respect and rights. I can’t curse. I know that i shouldn’t curse at my age but you need to also understand that I’m going to 8th grade and the people around me also contribute to the way I act, react, and do. There’s people cursing around me every day and you think I’m not gonna want to try it out either. There’s people having boyfriends and you think I won’t want to experience that either. I learn from what I see and hear and of course that doesn’t mean I have to do everything other people do but it does mean that I will decide whether or not I want to do it or not. I feel like you think that if I get a boyfriend I’ll turn out like you. Im not gonna have sexual Intercourse and get pregnant at a young age. And I feel like you don’t understand that. I feel like you think I’m gonna turn out like you, I’m not stupid and that’s something I want you to understand. I know damn well that you did things and said things behind your moms back and you get mad at me for doing it back at you. The hypocrisy is crazy to me. You’re controlling my life and then when I finally open up about it and get diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and adhd you switch everything back to you and make yourself the victim by saying that you have depression because I do. And then I have to feel bad about it and say that I don’t have it to make YOU feel better. You always play the victim and always want to be right about everything to the point that i stay quiet and keep everything inside me till the day I explode and that’ll be the day everything goes downhill.
HELP YOURSELF:
- Thank you for sharing your story with us at TeenCentral. It’s sounds so frustrating to want more independence in your life, but feel you are being held back. You are showing strength in reaching out for help. Talking about your feelings, in all kinds of creative ways, helps us work things out. You can do this!
- If you ever need someone to talk with, you can always find many of these options HERE. If at any point your frustration builds to the point of feeling helpless or hopeless, that would be an important time to use the resource Crisis Textline. This service is available 24/7. Just text “HELLO” to 741741 or visit www.crisistextline.org. You can also always find support by calling 1-800-273-8255.
- You are absolutely correct, letting your feelings build can quickly make you feel worse. So we hope it makes sense that we ask you to think about who in your life you CAN talk to, since it seems painfully hard to talk with your mom right now. This could be a close friend, a family member, or a guidance counselor. You’ve found a great way to get some of your feelings out with writing. We want you know that talking with someone that is just ready to listen can also provide a feeling of relief – even if they can’t “fix” the problem. You may be surprised with just how good it feels to have someone hear what you need to say.
CONSIDER THIS:
- This is a brave act to share this letter to your mom with our community. Have you thought about sharing it with her? Think about the best situation for her to read this. Would you have someone there with you? Would you ask her to read it out loud or silently? Would you read it to her? You have so many feelings in your writing – anger, sadness, confusion, worry (to name a few…). Which would be the most important emotion for your mom to recognize? What would hope she would do or say if she read this? You know on some level that you’re not going to totally get your way with everything, which is insightful, so what is it that you want from her?
- This is not the first time you’ve let out your feelings – you spoke up even before writing this story about what you were holding inside that led to getting some mental health services. GOOD FOR YOU! Depression, anxiety and ADHD are tough things to deal with – here’s a link to information in our LEARN section that may help: TEEN CENTRAL l Teen Depression, TEEN CENTRAL l Anxiety disrupting your life?. We know that depression and anxiety can take a big toll on your health, your schoolwork and your relationships. We hope you have a counselor or someone in your life that is also helping you understand these things and work through them. Maybe you would consider having this person help you and your mom learn how to talk without fighting so you can really hear each other.
- Even though you’re angry about the limits that your mom puts on you, you know that she struggled early in her own life with some of her decisions. That’s not about you, but we understand that you believe she’s being strict on you because of her own choices. Part of really good communication is about listening to the other person, and really trying to understand their point of view. Two people that stop fighting long enough to hear each other can work together to get past the anger to what may be behind it – fear, worry, love, concern, protectiveness. Maybe you could consider listening to your mom’s point of view with the same intensity that you want her to listen to you. It may not lead to you getting your way, but actually that’s not the point. The point is for you and your mom to connect and understand each other better. This can lead to better respect between you, which can build trust, which may work out for you in the long run if your mom trusted you to try new things as you keep getting older.
