So I’ve been on here for a while and I have been having trouble talking with my mom, especially with sensitive topics such as dating and personal things. I am gay, and I have been dating this girl for awhile and we are definitely serious. I love her a lot and I eventually do want to marry her and live with her. I want my mom to meet her and see what I see in her, but I don’t know what to say to her. I also want to tell my grandmother, but she’s more old fashioned and is probably going to be more homophobic than my mom. The only person that I could be more confident in speaking to would be my father because he is like my rock and my best friend. If they don’t accept me, what do I do from there?
CONSIDER THIS:
- Keeping secrets can be really stressful and tiring. You may feel like you’re alone because almost no one around you knows the details of your life. When you feel you are ready, you have the power to reveal to those around you everything about your life. At the same time, if you are not comfortable, you do not owe anyone an explanation about your sexuality because you are just trying to keep yourself safe. Either way, you deserve to be accepted.
- Try to weight out the pros and cons of the choices before you. Consider the benefits and difficulties of telling your family about the truth and compare that to how it would be to continue life as it is now. Imagine the possible outcomes for each. That might help you be clear about what you should do.
- If you do decide to be more open with your family, it might help to create a plan. You might go first to the person you believe will be the most accepting, like your dad. Once you tell your dad, you can then ask him for support. With his help, you may be able to tell more of your family about your sexuality. If people disagree with you, you will have your dad to help you through. Creating a plan allows you to take your time and make sure you are comfortable.
- Keep in mind that you may be open and then find that there are people who don’t accept you. This doesn’t mean that you are wrong, or that you have to keep your sexuality a secret. Know that it is not your fault if people do not accept your sexuality– it is on them to be more loving and understanding individuals.
- Experiencing rejection can be hurtful and stressful, so if you do find yourself facing it, remember your own self-care throughout this process. Take time for yourself if you are experiencing stress and remember that this is your truth and you can go at a pace that’s good for you.
- It might also be helpful to find some supportive resources in you community, like an LGBT support or advocacy group. You can also check out the resources on the TeenCentral Help page and more on coming out on the TeenCentral LGBT page, under Learn.
HELP YOURSELF:
- What do you gain from keeping your sexuality private? What do you gain from telling the truth?
- If you are thinking of telling them, when and how do you think your family should eventually find out?
- How can your dad help you come out to the rest of your family?
- What are some supportive resources that you can use if you need help?
