So, I’ve been with this girl now for almost 2 months, and it’s been great, every aspect of a relationship I wanted. Even though it’s only been two months, we are both comfortably talking about the future together, and we both believe this relationship is “the one”. However, recently, I’ve been getting stupid thoughts and putting myself down. These thoughts are about her past relationships/sexual partners. I know she speaks to some of them still. She’s isn’t cheating, but just knowing that they’ve had sex with her, etc., is hitting me hard. To make it all worse, I went through her old messages with some of them to see them flirting, talking dirty, and even some evidence to suggest they were sending nudes of each other over other media platforms, etc. For some reason this is stuck in my mind, and it’s ruining my mood. I’ve told her what’s going through my mind. Hopefully, she will understand, and we can try and help me get out of this. But I just need some advice. Like, she’s quite open about all of this type of stuff, and I don’t want her to stop being herself or to keep things from me. But, it gets stuck in my head and stays there, making me feel like I’m not good enough compared to her past partners (especially since I’ve met one before). I just need some advice. Otherwise, this is going to mess me up in the long run. Thank you for reading.
CONSIDER THIS:
- If appears that you really value and treasure this relationship. Seeking help and being willing to put in the effort to mediate any concerns is a very mature way to face problems or challenges.
- The most important thing to build trust in a relationship is open communication, which it seems you greatly value in your partner. Try to share your thoughts with her without implicating judgement, and ask her to continue to be open with you.
- You have only been together for 2 months, so keep in mind that you are still just starting to get to know each other. If the things you saw and read are bothering you, listen to your gut feelings. Do not write off your fears as issues that you made up in your head. It is an aspect of trust in your relationship that the two of you can work on together.
- If the negative thoughts and feelings really bother you, try to pinpoint exactly what those feelings are. If they are not current issues, then try to not let them ruin your relationship, but share exactly what concerns you have with your partner.
HELP YOURSELF:
- What specific feelings are bothering you?
- How can you talk to your partner about this without making her draw back?
- Who can you turn to for advice?
- Why is it important to keep open communication?
