Hello, I am in an awful situation right now. I have a strong want to leave my girlfriend. Now, that by itself isn’t easy as I have never ended a relationship. It is, however, made harder by the fact that she is becoming more and more suicidal (but she might have found help I’m not 100% sure if she is going to take it though). She has also made many plans with me in the upcoming weeks, such as staying with her family, etc., so I feel like I’m in a very difficult situation right now.
I don’t actually feel as if I can leave her without believing that she will hurt herself in some way or form. I’ve spoken to my friends about it and they believe I should leave her because of the pain she is causing me. (The pain comes from her being somewhat non-understanding, as well as making me out to always be the bad one in our relationship. The pain also comes from dealing with her problems as she never tries to deal with anything herself.) It is also getting to a point in the relationship where I am sick of talking to her. For the entirety of our relationship we have texted every day and called every night, and we normally call during any spare time we have. However, I’ve stopped that recently because I’m sick of the 24/7 calling that’s going on. It is too much for me, but she never listens because I have told her that before. It just worries and scares me. She has said before that she wants the truth if I want to leave her, but she has also said before that she won’t live without me and that she cannot handle her issues alone as I’m the only thing that brings her happiness in this world. I almost feel like I’m backed into a corner. Either I end the relationship or I let it keep going, feeling worse and worse every day. I really need advice on how to do it I guess. I did it once before after an argument and she fought me. She made me call her to tell her as I did it over text because I couldn’t speak. But, I told her over the phone. Then for the next few days, she fought me. She would call just to cry about how her life isn’t worth living anymore without me in it, and then she told me to meet her, to give it a day together to realize that I still loved her. I tried so hard. She kissed me and apologized, but then continued to kiss me. She was also emotionally blackmailing me the entire day. Playing songs about love, and then songs about hate just to get a reaction from me, as well as wearing any item of clothing I got her for Holidays, birthday etc. I eventually broke down and cried, saying that my heart wanted her but my mind was saying no. In the end, after she kept asking me, I said I’d give her another chance. I regret it.
I cannot stop thinking about the time she cheated on me and the abuse she has given me in the past as well as currently. My head hurts from the late nights spent listening to her say that I’m not trying when I’m literally destroying myself to try and stay with her and help her. I told her that yesterday and she ignored it. Instead, she asked about whether I would like to sleep over this weekend. Sorry to be vulgar but she’s only hoping for sex. That’s another thing that I hate about this relationship. She values sex very highly. I get it, we are both teenagers, intercourse is going to happen at some point. I, however, place its importance very low down in a relationship. It’s not needed. It is nice to have it, but it is not needed. I even tried to stop it for a while, but she would say that because I wasn’t doing it with her I didn’t love her. Then she cheated on me whilst I was at my parent’s by sexting some guy online because I said no to doing anything sexual with her at that time (because I was having my hair cut, and I did not really want to anyway). I cannot look at her without being reminded of all of this. It is eating me alive. I need help. I don’t know how to tell her. I just want to do it over text but I know she won’t allow that. If I didn’t do it over a call she’d ignore it, she wouldn’t let it happen. Or, she would do what she did last time, and make me meet up with her and make me say it to her face, which I don’t want to do. But, I have two weeks really because in two weeks I’m going to London with her to stay with her family and her for two weeks. Last time I did that, I woke up to her annoyed at me. She yelled at me on multiple occasions, telling me to “get away from her”. She has also recently accused me of cheating on her with two of my friends. The accusations only came because these two friends are female. Nothing has happened between me and them. I feel as if I can’t even have female friends because it hurts her.
It kills me. Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship if this is what they are actually like. She seems to think this is pretty normal. I think the opposite and have told her that she needs help. If this is normal, then I don’t want it right now. I don’t want this relationship, but I don’t know how to get out. She won’t let me. Help me, please! I’m sorry if I sounded rude or anything during this message. My head’s just a bit full right now with everything. Thank you!
CONSIDER THIS
- It is really hard to end a relationship when the person you are seeing is threatening to hurt themselves. But you need to consider that you are important too. You need to take care of yourself.
- Maybe you can talk with a trusted adult or friend to help you get through ending the relationship in a healthy way by being respectful of your girlfriend but also respecting yourself.
- You can also try writing out what you wanted to say to her to let her know you care but the relationship has become toxic for both of you and it needs to be resolved by letting you be separate from each other.
- Also maybe when you end the relationship you don’t answer the phone when she does call but let her friends and parents know that you are going to do this and she may need extra help to process through.
HELP YOURSELF
- What would happen if you talked with a trusted adult or friend about your relationship situation and a respectful way to end it?
- What would happen if you wrote out what you wanted to say to her about leaving the relationship in a kind and respectful manner?
- What would happen if you did not answer the phone when she called after you leave but let her friends and family know she will need extra help during this hard time?
