my ex best friend was/is depressed. i was in my 1rst year of middle school when i found out what depression, self harm, panic attacks, were and more all from her. i had no idea what to tell her or how to help because i had never even heard of those things before. in a small town therapy and counseling is extremely hard to get into. I was able to get into school counseling once but I only had enough time to talk about my own issues and I have been on the therapy waiting list for 2 years now. I really just feel like I didnt do enough for her. She was lucky enough to get into therapy but before that I was her therapist.
She would talk to me about really personal and dangerous things she would get into. Abusive relationships, vape, online relationships, and self harm. I had to take on 1:00 am vent calls, I had to be at her beck and call 24/7. I never really talked to her about how all of this was making me feel overwhelmed and scared and I had no idea what to do. My way out was songwriting so at my camp that summer i wrote a song called “friend therapist” and i think she got the idea. but i still would worry about her all the time and she eventually moved. we dont really talk anymore and when we do she still vents but she is in therapy and is recieving help.
i just want to know, what should i have done better? is there a hotline for advice to give to someone who hears about someone who is having those thoughts? i tried to be there for her but i still feel guilty and i also feel guilty for not talking to her now but it is taking to much on my own mental health. i feel like i was/is a bad friend.
HELP YOURSELF:
- First thing I want to say is thank you, for having the courage to reach out to TeenCentral for guidance. Often times, reaching out for help is very difficult for many reasons. Be proud of yourself for making that big step.
- What you are describing is a super hard way to feel and sounds like it was a pretty serious situation that you dealt with. I am glad your friend is getting professional help now! In answer to your question, “what should I have done better?” the answer is – there is NOTHING more or better you could have done. It sounds like you were a really good listener, that you were there for her all the time, that you did the best you knew how and what to do for your age at the time. A friend can never be a real therapist. We are too close to our friends to be both things. We can only be a friend – the best friend we can be for our age, for what we know at the time and what we have access to.
- Have you ever sat down and talked to anyone about how YOU have been feeling all this time about what happened with this friend? If it seems like it would be too difficult for you to do with your parents, can you think of any other trusting adult you can talk too? How about a guidance counselor, coach, teacher or youth group leader? What about another older family member? Talking and expressing yourself to trusting people can help you work out the issues and get help.
- You asked about phone numbers to call. Below are some resources that might be useful:
Crisis Textline
Available 24/7
Start a conversation by texting ‘HOME’ to 741741.If it just gets to be too much and you have feelings of hurting yourself to point of ending your life you should contact the:
National Suicide Hotline
Available 24/7/365You DIAL or TEXT 988 or CHAT at 988lifeline.org.
WHEN YOU ARE READY
- Here on TeenCentral website you can find resources that might help you. Under the Learn Tab click on self-injury. This will give you a better understanding of what self-harm is, why some people do it and what to do if another friend ever talks to you about it again.
- Learn about Self-Injurious Behavior
- In the Tools Tab you can find:
- Download a Support Plan
- Download Social Skills Practice
- Download a Weekly Mood Tracker
If you want to learn about other helplines you should visit our Help Tab:
Know that you are not alone. You got this!!!
