When my schedule didn’t match up with any of my closest friends, I tried to find a way for us to hang out. I found out what I could about making clubs. I texted often in a group chat with the larger friend group with all of our mutual friends. I wanted to make it work so badly. I’d previously spent all my time with them. Which is why we’re such good friends. Or at least used to be.
Nobody cared as much as I did. Nobody else tried helping me to make a club or texting in the group chat or talking to me in the short period of time we had together in the morning. Because nobody cared as much as I thought they did. I understand some of them not trying. It would be appreciated, but they probably don’t know me well enough for that. But I really expected the small friend group of three that I’d loved so much during the previous school year to do something.
But nothing. Silence.
My friends were false. How fucking stupid am I? I let them into my life. I let this happen. I’ve never felt so lonely. It’s like there’s a weight on my chest. The feeling is constant, but the weight just keeps increasing and it’s so hard to breathe. Maybe I should just succumb to the weight on my chest and let the suffocation get me. It doesn’t all that bad.
Consider this
- Thank you for sharing what you are experiencing with the TeenCentral community. It sounds like you are experiencing some sadness and loneliness right now.
- Some people are naturally different than those around them. Instead of trying too hard to fit in, you can embrace your uniqueness by just being yourself. Learn to enjoy spending time alone by doing the things you enjoy and taking care of your health. Love yourself for yourself. It sounds as if you would also benefit from taking a look at our LEARN tab in the Grief and Loss section.
- Being patient will help you tolerate loneliness. Real friends are worth waiting for.
Things you can do later
- Remember to take time to do things that you enjoy – art, music, dance, video games, time with pets, taking walks – whatever it is that gives you peace and can be a distraction from the things you worry about.
- On our TOOLS page we also have some useful options such as Self Positive Talk, Social Skills, and Weekly Mood Trackers that you might enjoy.
- Before you go, check out our WHATS NEW tab for other ideas on how to talk about suicide, breath through stress, and journaling. Be well and stay safe.
