i speak Indonesian. Im good at English. I’m good at reading. I guess im funny but why is he showing less interest in me when at-least, im better than most people. The person im attached to used to joke with me, and we used to be good friends. Now since I know this, its because im ugly and no one likes ugly people. I know people are lying to me. When they say im pretty they’re all lying to me. I dont even care about him as much as i care about being pretty. But really, my life depends on a stupid person that ruins my life but i cant even call him stupid because hes the world to me! My mental health is better when glasses are off cause i cant see if hes looking at me. If he doesnt love me, i will kill myself. I dont care if he tells me no. Because hes faking everything i just want love! I want him to love me like i treat him the best in the whole world. We used to joke a lot! But now that i have issues all i’m doing is making a fool of myself crying and not joking anymore and being this depressed looking b**ch who’s ugly. I wish my life was over. Im ugly. My lips are small, my eyelashes are barely visible, my eyebrows are small, my ears are huge, my stomach is fat from the side, my thighs aren’t thick enough, my tan-lines are so annoying, my face is round, my cheekbones look weird because i have chubby cheeks and they’re too big! I just wish i was pretty and beautiful and everyone loved me and id love him and he’d love me too because im so amazingly beautiful! But ill never get that type of love because im a dumbfounded ugly girl with tourette’s syndrome. He gave me attention and showed he cared about me when i had an attack. I will aways award him for everything even if he doesn’t love me anymore. Even if he never did. I miss when we joked. That time he asked if i had a crush on him. But i don’t really have a crush because i realized this from my “last one”, im attached. He gave me attention. Ill do anything for him, even if it means killing myself and i truly want to because why does my life have to depend on someone? I love him so much. I want to kill myself. I want to feel how he used to flirt with me again. I want to kill myself. I want to do it.
WHAT TO DO FIRST
- Slow down, take a few deep breaths, and STAY WITH US. There is hope and you are not alone. Your safety is also the most important thing to us. Please immediately call or text 988 for help now. Other information for this resource is located below.
National Suicide Hotline
Helps individuals in suicidal crisis with support
- You have taken a great first step in reaching out for help and the TeenCentral community is here to support you. You’ve mentioned some things here that tells us you don’t want to feel the way you do and there are positive, amazing things about YOU. Hang on to that.
- Let’s focus on you because YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT part of this. Seeking connection to others is really meaningful and important. Is there anyone in your life that you can reach out to for support? A positive family member or trusted friend is a great start. Reach out today!
THINGS TO DO LATER
- It sounds like you are struggling with positive beliefs about yourself because of how someone else treats you and that’s pretty normal unfortunately. Do us a favor…. Please take some time to make a list of the things you do like about yourself. You started with speaking multiple languages, being good at reading, and being funny. That’s a great list so far – keep going! We think there’s a lot more positives there.
- We also think it’s important to have positive ways to cope with these thoughts and feelings. What are some things that you can do when you are having rough moments? Journaling, reading, listening to music, watching a funny movie are all great ways to help you through the tough times.
- Keep seeking healthy and positive connections to others. When we build our support systems, it makes going through these moments easier because you don’t have to rely on one person to help you feel happy. A good place to start is reading some of the other stories on this site. There’s a lot of people struggling with similar situations, and they have overcome it. You can too!