Hey guys so I’m gonna be talking about my difficult living situation. I am 15 years old and I live with my mother and father and two younger sisters. My parents are extremely violent-natured people and are very aggressive towards me. It’s constant screaming and yelling and graphic threats made towards me every single day. I am constantly depressed and as much as I love school and try my very best in every class, my grades are pretty low. I’m going into 11th grade in September and I’ll be taking two diplomas in the first semester and I’m really scared that if the domestic issues continue, I will keep doing bad in class and maybe fail my diploma classes. I know I can’t change my parents but I really need advice on how I can make our relationship a little better so that it doesn’t affect every aspect of my life. I feel so hopeless and alone all the time. I have no one to talk to and most days I sit in my room all day trying to avoid my family. Most of my interactions with my mum are very scary. She screams at me and tells me she hates me, says I am garbage and I mean nothing to her, basically every terrible thing a mother shouldn’t say to her daughter. Most of the fights are provoked by me being ‘lazy’ and not cleaning the house the moment I wake up. I often sleep in very late because I have no energy. Why? Because I don’t eat anything or go into the kitchen until late at night when no one else is awake and she can’t attack me. So I have no energy to get up in the morning because I am starving and too afraid to go into the kitchen because she will tell me I can’t eat until after I clean the house and she will call me all sorts of names. My father is incredibly absent and is not a part of me and my siblings lives at all but when he is home, he is just as violent and hateful towards me as my mother is. What can I do to avoid these terrible encounters or remedy my relationship with my parents?
THINGS YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW
- It seems like you’re going through a really tough time. I appreciate you reaching out and sharing your story with TeenCentral– that takes real bravery and advocacy for your safety and mental health.
- If you are ever feeling unsafe, or very sad like you can’t go on you should reach out to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They are accessible any time of day any day of the year. You can call 1-800-273-8255 or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org. If you can always text “Hello” to 741-741 if that’s more comfortable for you. Someone is literally a text away.
- Is there a trusted adult in your life outside of your immediate family you could talk to about how you feel? Maybe someone you haven’t tried talking to before like a close, trusted teacher, or coach, guidance counselor, or aunt/uncle/grandparent. Just being able to talk to someone and express your feelings can be helpful. Abuse in any form is absolutely not okay and you should support and protect yourself with these people.
CONSIDER THIS
- In our “Tools” section, there are some very helpful exercises that might work for you such as the “Conflict Conversation Organizer” This can help you organize your thoughts and feelings and also gives you an area to write a letter to the person you’re struggling with. This might be a good way to communicate your feelings to your parents. There’s also a great section on “family” in the ”Learn” section of our homepage.
- There’s another wonderful page in our “Tools” section about Positive Self-Talk Statements—basically things we should be saying to ourselves to fill our minds with good feelings and not hurtful, negative ones. It sounds like your mother is putting a lot of negativity into the air and into your thoughts, and you should protect yourself and your esteem by being your own best friend. How would a best friend treat you? That’s the way you should treat yourself.
- GET OUTSIDE / NATURE—Being outside is so important for the mind, body, and spirit. Going to parks, pools, or riding bikes or going on hikes with friends are all great ways to relax and have fun as well as get some important space from home pressures.
- Please don’t hesitate to reach out again, but also please take steps to protect yourself and help improve your situation. No person deserves to be treated poorly—and you are no different. Please continue to empower yourself and never stop seeking help.
