||I met a boy last school year and almost immediately had a crush on him, but was too scared to tell him, in fears it might end badly. And as we got to know each other better and become really good friends, he always would tell me how he loves me, how cute I am, and always no matter what try to make me feel better when he could tell I was down, he literally acted stupid when I was on my period and felt like shit because he could tell something was wrong and knew that would make me laugh, or at least smile. Whenever I would say how ugly I am he would argue how beautiful I am. He was always there for me. And now this year I never get to see him and I can’t deal with it. Before I would get to see him twice a day, two school periods. This year it’s sometimes once a day at the end of the day in front of the school, this morning I saw him in front of the school so I talked to him and he told me he has a girlfriend who is really sweet. He used to tell me how sweet I am. I congratulated him then have been crying about it all day, blaming myself. Why couldn’t I have just told him, he said he loved me, and he showed it too. But I’m just too dumb and scared. And now my chance might be gone forever, and I don’t want to keep going without him in my life, I have anxiety and tend to get really emotional, he helped me get through that last year, now I don’t know what to do without him. I don’t want to go on like this, I’ve been purposely harming myself all day. Before when I thought of him or saw him my mood was immediately better, now whenever I see him or think of him I want to kill myself for being so dumb. He is the best, most sweet, caring guy I’ve ever met, and I lost him, possibly for good. I’m so stupid. Please help me. I’ve also been thinking about stabbing myself ALL DAY LONG.
- Thank you so much for trusting us here at TeenCentral with your story! We welcome you to the community and are happy you’re here and taking the really BRAVE first step of reaching out to us. It sounds like you have been through a lot and letting yourself be vulnerable by sharing difficult experiences and feelings shows incredible STRENGTH and COURAGE.
- First – YOU ARE IMPORTANT. If you aren’t feeling safe, there are people who want to help. Under the “HELP” tab of TeenCentral.com there are many hotlines, text-lines, and websites available to support you. You can call the NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE – 1-800-273-8255 or go to their website at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org. If it’s easier for you to text, you can use the CRISIS TEXT LINE – Text “HELLO” to 741741 or visit their website at crisistextline.org. Both of these lifelines are there to help you 24/7.
- You may benefit from many other types of resources here at Teen Central that you can always use to help yourself. There is a “Learn” tab with subtopics like Grief and Loss, Suicide, and Depression. It seems like you have a lot of pain and struggle and that can easily affect our emotions and actions. Sometimes gaining more information about what’s going on can help you feel more in control and prepared to overcome these difficult times. It’s also easy to feel alone and hopeless when bad things seem to be happening. Often times reading the stories of others can make us feel like we aren’t alone. You can go to the “Stories” tab to read experiences of others and see the responses they’ve gotten from our counselors. It’s also important to remember that everyone is flawed and makes mistakes. When we are going through what seems like a never ending cycle of stress it’s easy to magnify these mistakes and feel like that’s all you ever do. It’s a normal part of stress and going through rough times. That doesn’t make it any less hard but it can help knowing that there’s a reason you feel this way. The biggest thing taken from your story is that you want help. That’s a huge step and we are very proud of you. We also have a “tools” tab that can help you set up a Support Plan or give yourself a Daily Positive Reminder.
- With all that you have been going through, it’s essential to use connections for support. Do you have someone you trust that you can talk to? Are there any trusted adult figures that you can talk to like a counselor, relative, or positive family friend?
- Have you ever tried writing or journaling? Sometimes jotting down our thoughts and feelings can be a powerful outlet to help manage emotions. You can also use it to reflect on the positive qualities you have. Like mentioned above, going through stress and difficult events can affect your emotions and bring out more of the bad feelings than the good ones. That doesn’t mean the good qualities aren’t there, they could just be buried below the pain. Let’s try to bring them out by making a list of things you like about yourself, or positive accomplishments no matter how small they may seem. If you are struggling, maybe try asking someone who cares about you to help remind you of the positives they see in you.
- Taking the steps to ask for help and use your support systems are awesome moves in the right direction. Another important piece of helping yourself is focusing on self-care and just being healthy. Simple things like daily exercise can be a natural mood booster. We have strength training, yoga, and running resources on our “tools” page. If you prefer more creative outlets – drawing, mandalas, or other crafts can help change your mindset when feeling bad.
- Even though you’ve been through a lot recently, has there been a time before that when you were happy or feeling better than you do now? Have there even been any times recently where you did have a good moment or day? Remember those times and moments. What are the hobbies and activities you have done in the past that you’ve enjoyed? It can be the smallest positive, healthy activity that brings you joy – keep doing it. Also keep trying to surround yourself with positive, trusting people who care about you – especially when it feels like you’ve lost an important relationship. These people can help keep you going. Stay strong and keep fighting for a time when you can look in the mirror and see the survivor that you are.