Hi teen central, I’m writing here again because I have something to share. This has been going on for a while now, and it’s a bit uncomfortable, and I don’t know what to do about it. So, basically, I’m scared of feeling. So, when a song comes on that I know touches on hard subjects, or is one that is very personal to me, I will feel conflicted because I know I will be feeling profound feelings, even though I WANT to feel!! The thing is, I used to like numb myself I guess, I’m not quite sure how to call it, I would just quell my negative feelings/thoughts so I wouldn’t have to deal with them, but I guess that also took my happy feelings into account, and now I have a hard time feeling things sometimes. Like, when I see something that I KNOW should make me feel happiness or joy, or something positive, I just DON’T feel it at times, and I get jealous of others who DO feel! I remember when I was having a great time with someone I met, and I was SO happy that I was finally feeling things again, and I just wanted more and more of that time with them because I wanted that feeling. I feel like I am also scared because I worry that feeling too much of a happy feeling could be bad. For example, when I write or paint, I get this metaphorical “high” where I feel my soul light up with happiness. The thing about this, is that when I get this feeling, like I want to write or something, I have like a roadblock, and I just don’t do the thing at times. The strange part is: I WANT to feel, I am just scared of feeling TOO MUCH or what might happen if I become “too happy,” I don’t know. There was a time where I was reeeeally happy just for being alive, and it was the best time ever, and I was also excited almost all the time. Is this normal? I don’t know. I know I can talk to my parents about it, but I don’t know if they’ll actually sit down with me and take the time to talk about it, or if they’ll just say, “Just do what makes you happy,” or, “You can change your feelings,” and not really say anything else. It’s kind of a hit-or-miss with them. I know I am feeling nice things again because school and friends and “Yay socialization!”, but I want this to be prolonged. I want to have a profound sense of happiness and inner joy, so that I can attract good things and situations into my life, and so my energy can be reflected positively into the world and come back mirrored to me. I want to feel happy internally, even if the situations around me aren’t so great, or if I’m feeling stressed.
Please help me feel more!!
I want to feel things again!!
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE:
- Thanks for trusting the TeenCentral community with more of your story. You seem like you are on the right track and reaching out for support is always a good thing.
- Allow yourself to go feel happy :). Feelings can be scary, uncomfortable, and overwhelming but that’s a part of our growth and learning. Oftentimes when people who have experienced tough situations shut down their painful emotions, it can be hard to turn those emotions back on.
- Yes, we definitely think school friends and socialization is pretty awesome. Make sure you take those opportunities to build those positive relationships and support systems. Spread that positivity!!!
- Writing and painting are great hobbies, especially if they make you that happy. Keep doing those things and anything else positive that makes you feel joy. We encourage you to expand your interests and always continue looking for the next thing that makes you smile.
- You do seem to have a lot of positive energy and that’s awesome. Ask yourself how you want to use that. Come up with a plan and start setting some goals to achieve. It could be learning a new hobby or skill, volunteering, helping a family member or friend. Get creative. We’ve got some cool resources under the TOOLS tab that might be good to check out.
- Don’t forget to allow yourself a chance to cope with any negative situations or feelings that do happen. Try not to numb feelings. Try to use them as motivators. Another part of finding happiness is being prepared to overcome those challenges. Do you have a plan in place if life gives you some lemons? Coping skills? People to have as support?