Hello, I need some help. Hello to anyone who reads this. So, I have always struggled setting boundaries with people. Weather the boundaries is parent to child or peer to peer, I have always struggled. I find myself in these deep situations where I feel there’s no way out. I also tend to fall “in Love” to easily, When I was younger and still to this day, I get bullied for my looks. People have always treated me as an outcast and I guess I always was. So, when someone that treats me as a normal or at least a little respected, I find myself liking them. I guess optimally I’m asking for help on how to set boundaries with people and telling weather its someone genuine.
- Thank you for sharing your story on TeenCentral. It sounds like you have a good amount of insight into your thoughts, feelings, and actions already. You are ahead of the game for your age. It also sounds like you may be unhappy with the outcome you are seeing from others when you demonstrate what seems like blurred boundaries.
- Think about linking to a positive supportive adult in your life who demonstrates the healthy physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries you hope to see in yourself. Do they have long term, meaningful relationships? If so, talk to them about your current concerns. Learning to set healthy boundaries is quite difficult, especially in youth.
- We are sorry to hear that you felt bullied growing up, we understand those feelings can be difficult to shake over time. Think about looking at the other stories on TeenCentral as well as our LEARN tab, under the Bullying tab to find more information.
- When developing healthy boundaries, one of the first steps is to determine what is important to you. Perhaps consider doing an activity to evaluate your morals/beliefs/values. Once you understand what is important to you, be consistent.
- Learn how to say “no” and learn how to accept “no”. Expect a minimal amount of discomfort the first few times that you are being firm with your boundaries as well as respecting others. Things that can help you are using “I feel” statements. Take responsibility for your needs and for your actions. Avoid excessive apologizing. And lastly, often remind yourself of the positive rewards for having positive, healthy boundaries.
- Think about how much you share. Don’t rush or force any relationship. Good things come to those who wait. Practice not being extreme, not everything is black or white… all or nothing, there is room in between. While you should stick to your morals, there is room for others who do not think, feel, or act the way you do so be patient, kind, and understanding.