I’m in tenth grade and take school pretty seriously. Unfortunately, the same cannot always be said of my friends and boyfriend. It seems like they’re always asking me to come hang out when they know I have a ton of studying and/or homework to do.
Since I have a big test on Monday, I asked my parents if they’d be willing to ground me for the weekend so I’d have a cast iron excuse for not being able to hang out. They agreed and it’s worked! Everyone has let me be once I told them I was grounded. Usually, they’d keep blowing up my phone even after I’ve said no, hoping to change my mind.
Course, I’m gonna owe my parents in extra chores as payment for enforcing this grounding. But I think it’s worth it. I’ve gotten a lot of studying done and feel really prepared now. However, my sister thinks I’m a weirdo for doing this to myself and also kind of dishonest, since my friends don’t know the real reason why I’m grounded. What do you think? Personally, I think she’s overreacting, but I’d also like a second opinion to be sure.
- There is nothing wrong with getting different perspectives/opinions for anything in life. Thank you so much for thinking of us here at TeenCentral ! You are truly appreciated!
- Many people have done similar things to get themselves out of situations they don’t want to be in. Scheduling a friend or family member to call at a specific time with an “emergency” that requires them to leave or even exactly what you did by asking parents/guardians to not give the permission needed to go out. These are all perfectly normal things many people do throughout life to avoid the awkward or contentious reactions from others when they are denied what it is they desire. However, while methods like these have proven to be successful most times, the people who use them often struggle with drawing clear boundaries with others and find themselves not receiving the respect they deserve/desire.
- It is important you find a way that works for you to express your needs wants and desires to others and how to do so in a respectful and matter of fact manner. Until you do so, people will not respect your answer and attempt to get you to change your mind.
- It seems as though your parents listen to what you have to say and are willing to help where possible. Perhaps, next time ask them for advice on how to address this with your friends.
CONSIDER THESE OPTIONS
- Sit down and really think about your friendships and all other relationships. Decide who is a part of your Support System. Once you do this, reach out to them and express how you feel and hear what they have to say. Maybe they will be able to help you find what you need to say. Maybe some of them are these friends that try to get you to change you mind and now knowing how you feel can help you to draw that boundary line and how to do so with others. To help with this, check out My Support Plan in the Tools section on the TeenCentral website.
- You may also find some help with these skill by reading over the Social Skills guide that you can also find in the Tools sections on our website.
- Remember, how YOU feel matters. Even if the other person (s) doesn’t understand. It’s not for others to understand, no one can understand how you feel in any situation as you. It’s for them to accept and respect you and how you feel. Your feelings matter. Always remember that.