I hate my life.
I have no irl friends and I have no one to talk to.
Recently my relationship with my mom has gotten worse (I’m 15 btw). She yells at me for the stupidest things and always blames everything on me.
I moved to a different country last year away from my dad; I live with my mom, my older sister, and my grandma.
Recently I’ve been thinking about running away because I’m dealing with lots of things and I just can’t take it anymore. The other day, for example, I was telling my mom that I’m dealing with a lot and I asked her to be a bit more patient and respectful towards me. She told me I was making it all up as an “excuse”. I’mma be honest, I was really close to killing myself… I can’t take this anymore. I struggle with severe depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, ptsd, ed, and much more. No one in my family has noticed much of anything and I don’t like talking to them about it. They don’t care about my feelings anyway.
My mom has mentally, emotionally, verbally and physically abused me since I was a kid. It’s never been too bad physically, but it has really affected me and no one even knows about it except for me and her. One time, last year, it got so bad I was about to call the police on her, but I never did bc I was so scared.
The problem is that she provides for me and she has these really “good” moments that make me feel bad for her, even tho she plays the victim often. (She’s also really good at it bc everyone believes her and blames me).
I might just be a dramatic teen (that’s what everyone tells me), but I’m NOT ok and I don’t know what to do about it.
I guess I just needed to vent. Sorry for sharing so much lol.
Helping You
- Please don’t ever feel you have to apologize for reaching out for help and expressing yourself. It’s something we all should be able to do in order to take care of ourselves, yourself included!
- You’ve done a great job of expressing it- regardless of whatever else if occurring or how anyone feels, you are not ok. Period. It’s amazing that you can frame it that way- well done.
- We’re really glad to hear that you didn’t do anything to harm yourself recently when you became upset. If at anytime moving forward you start to feel that way at all, please consider either
- Going to an emergency room or walk in clinic for an immediate evaluation
- Contact your local authorities and letting them know that you’re not feeling safe
- Call 9-8-8 (the suicide hotline) for immediate help
- All of these are ways to reach out and receive immediate help. You are too important to take a chance. Any feelings like the ones you had at all, please contact someone to help.
Supporting Yourself
- Have you thought of looking into any areas of interest outside of your home? School activities, clubs, sports, community events. The best place to find people of like minds is to simply do what you enjoy. That’s where you’ll meet people who have similar interests, and you may find people you want to spend more time with.
- Do you have any trusted besides those you mentioned above that you would feel comfortable talking to about how you’re feeling? It doesn’t have to be a family member. Just someone from an avenue in your life that can support you when you need it and help guide you in the right direction. Teachers, guidance counselors, therapists, coaches, pastors, etc. are just some examples.
- Keep focusing on yourself and what you need to be safe and healthy. Keep reaching out and talking. There are plenty of people out here who want to help- you’ve got this!
