I have no one. Everyone is toxic, and I don’t even know what I feel. I don’t want to feel.
I mean I know nobody’s perfect, but there HAS to be people who aren’t toxic. I know I’ve gone through way more things than my other friends, but I still don’t feel like anyone understands. My closest friends are violating my boundaries. I need non toxic friends. And I NEED people to respect my boundaries. And safety.
I feel like everywhere I go, people just leave, or die, or they’re toxic and I leave them. There’s no one. There’s no one to be friends with me. I don’t feel safe anymore with ‘my’ people. The only friend I’ve ever felt safe with is dead.
Why do all the people who actually understand and accept me have to die? Who do I have now? My friends keep asking “are you okay?” And I don’t feel like answering them anymore because they violate my boundaries and are toxic. I’m not hopeless in life that much- believe me I’ve been in the mental hospital but I feel like I’ve lost my hope in people.
Why are people always fake? Why are parents abusive? Why are people not trustworthy? Why do people leave? Why did my best friend die? Why are people who say they’ll be there for you not there??
- Thank you for writing into TeenCentral and sharing your story with us. It sounds like you are having a very confusing, and frustrating time and we appreciate that you would write in.
- It sounds like some of what you may be feeling is GRIEF AND LOSS. This emotion can be very overwhelming at times, and while you mentioned that you have lost your friend it sounds as if the anger is really showing towards your other relationships. Sometimes grief can do this to us, but understanding your grief is a very important and sometimes hard task.
- Safety is the number one importance to all people. If you feel as though your friends are violating your boundaries maybe discuss this with them letting them know where you feel those violations are occurring. Is this emotional, is it physical, or simply that they are talking to one another about the things that you are discussing with them? The more that they are aware hopefully the more that they can stop challenging this and be more supportive of you. If you feel as though you are physically not safe there are a number of hotlines that you can contact to make a report which I have listed below. If you would prefer not to talk to someone via phone you can also text the crisis hotline at “Hello” to 741741 and have someone support you via text through the next steps.
Child Help USA National Hotline
Available 24/7, over 170 languages
Helps youth who are suffering child abuse
- One of the last things I will mention as a support is an adult that you trust. This can be anyone from a teacher, religious leader, parent, or friends parent that you trust. Sometimes having an adult support you through what you are feeling can really change the way we view things, or even allows for us to vent it out.
- There are many options to do for the right now. In our TOOLS section there are a variety of tools that allow of us to calm our minds, and really work through what we are feeling.
- Another option could be taking a walk or getting yourself outside. Some of my best processing occurs when I simply take a safe walk around the neighborhood or park. Fresh air really can assist us in relaxation.
- Lastly, understanding what you are feeling is normal when you lose someone. Looking at the relationships that are left can be overwhelming but know that this can pass. Maybe take this time for you to work through how you are feeling with positive support systems and allow yourself that time to heal.