Hi, I have just started high school and it’s not going the best for me. I have many friends and I have a boyfriend, but recently my best friend that I was the absolute closest to moved away during the summer. And ever since then I have just had this emptiness, and it just doesn’t feel right without her. I miss her so much and I hate being in school knowing she’s not here anymore and she’s never coming back. Although I do have quite a big friend group (7 of us), I’m not as close to anyone there as I was to my best friend. It just doesn’t feel the same anymore. And lately our friend group has been getting into many fights and talking bad about each other behind each others backs and it’s stressing me out because i’m really worried our group is going to break up. I would have already lost my best friend, and the remaining friends I had would be gone. I am really close with my boyfriend though and honestly I would count him as my current best friend at this point now that my girl best friend has moved. I have just been really depressed because of it for the past couple months and I can’t get over it no matter how much I try. I have been really angry and annoyed and depressed lately, and i’m worried i’m making it not fun for others to be around me, but I just really miss my best friend. Like really bad. So I guess my question is how do I get over this?
FIRST THINGS FIRST
- Thank you so much for reaching out to TeenCentral! Sometimes it can be really hard to put your feelings into words and to reach out for help. Congratulate yourself for taking that first step because it’s not as easy as people make it seem.
- It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time and a lot is happening right now. We can hear a lot of pain, worry and grief coming through your words, and that’s a lot to deal with for someone who’s also in school and probably has a lot of other responsibilities outside of school as well. First, take a deep breath because this is a lot.
- Secondly, sometimes when all these things are going on like the things you wrote it can really drive a person to an extreme solution like wanting to run away, or turning to alcohol to numb the emotions, or wanting to hurt yourself or even ending all. It’s a lot of stress to deal with and no one would blame you for having these big feelings. But we want you to have a place to reach out if you do.
Promise us that if it ever gets to be too much and you start having these dark feelings that you will DIAL or TEXT 988 or CHAT at 988lifeline.org. They are available 24 hours a day seven days a week 365 days a year. And you never have to wait for a response.
- This is just a question but, have you spoken to your family or guardians about what’s going on with you? Sometimes a good old-fashioned face-to-face conversation can really be helpful in these situations. You may be surprised how much your mom or dad or guardian could really be comforting to you. And if they know what’s going on they may even be able to get you extra support during this time. If parents or guardians aren’t an option, would you consider an older family member like a grandparent or an older cousin, or guidance counselor, perhaps a religious leader like a youth group leader, or a sports coach? These are just a few ideas, but you get the idea.
MORE TO LEARN AND WAYS TO COPE
- You mentioned that you’ve been feeling depressed. There is some information on our website about depression that might be helpful to you. You can click THIS LINK to find out more.
- One of the emotions you did not mention his grief. The loss of your best friend seems to be very central to all of this. It’s not only something you’re trying to get through itself, but it’s causing you to have extreme anxiety about your other friends and what might happen. This is a symptom of grief because of the loss of her leaving even though she didn’t die. Grief is still the emotion. CLICK HERE to read more about this, because we really think it would be helpful to you.
- It’s not only about learning information, but also coping with the pain that you’re feeling and the stress that you’re experiencing. There’s a few things on our website that we’d like to recommend that might help with some of this and may be good suggestions for learning to cope with this level of stress that you’re experiencing. Not everyone’s the same, and not everything works for the same person. So, you will have to look at these things and determine what is best for you.
Remind yourself that what you’re going through is A LOT, a lot for someone who’s also in school and has who-knows-what-else also going on in their life. Give yourself permission to feel the grief that you need to feel over the loss of your best friend moving away. Instead of feeling badly about your grief, lean into it and let it be. She was your best bud, your partner, and it’s okay to cry, to be mad. You know it isn’t fair that life throws us these curveballs sometimes. We have to adjust our rhythms and the way we go through our days based on the fact that we no longer can lean on what we used to lean on. But we believe in you, and we know that you have what it takes to get through this. We are here for you if you ever want to write back and need more tips or advice or just plain old support. Take care and be well!
