Hi. I did something and I need some advice. I’m friends with this girl at my school. She is sort of casually Christian. I myself am agnostic, but that’s unrelated. She goes to Sunday School and all that but her family is pretty liberal, I think. We just became friends this year, and we aren’t best friends. We don’t really text or anything, but we get along really well (I think) and hang out at school. It all would have been fine if I weren’t bisexual and I didn’t develop a crush on her. I’m not the type to get incredibly flustered in front of someone I like, but I get a little nervous. And I do get nervous when texting her, which is pretty infrequent and always school related. So today at school, when the day was over, there was an ice cream truck across the street from our school. The funny thing was, it was playing Christmas music, like, Silent Night and Jingle Bells. I thought this was funny so I worked up the nerve to text her about it. I eventually sent it and immediately regretted it. Still do- even more so, now that she’s replied with ‘Thanks??’ I guess she’s puzzled by my weirdness and idiotic nature. Which I can understand. My only consolation is that in a few days, we’ll never see each other again- we’re in eighth grade, and are going to different high schools. But I still have to deal with the rest of the week. What if she asks me about this tomorrow? So basically, what I need is help with how to respond to this. Damage control, I guess. What is the least awkward way to resolve this? I can’t really ask anyone else, because none of my friends or family know how I feel about her or about my bisexuality. So I have to ask you guys for advice. Please respond as soon as possible!!!!
- Everyone gets nervous around their crush! You show a lot of courage even texting your crush– not everyone can build up the nerve to do so. While you may not think every interaction you have with her is perfect, give yourself kudos for any effort you make.
- In psychology, there’s something called the “spotlight effect”– we all experience it. We get paranoid and overly conscious of ourselves and our flaws and perceive that the whole world sees these flaws. In this case, maybe you’re hyping your crush’s response to mean more than it does. Perhaps she was just caught off-guard by the random message, not offended. You might be blowing up how you think she now perceives you. She likely saw your message, responded, and didn’t think of it beyond that. She probably did not take another second to judge your character like you may think.
- It’s likely she’d not weirded out at all– and if she is, she’s overreacting. Your text, depended on how it was worded, seems like a nice thought. You saw something funny/strange (after all, ice cream trucks don’t usually play Christmas music, especially not in the summer) and shared it with her because that’s what friends do: they share funny stories. It’s sweet because it shows you were thinking about her enough to send her a message. It’s a nice gesture whether you have a crush on her or not.
- Take a look from her perspective, and act accordingly. Think about how you would react if you received a similar text from someone. Think about how you would want them to act the next time you see them. For example, if you got weirded out by a text, maybe the next time you see that person, you’d prefer that they not bring it up again. Use her personality to help guide you.
- If you think you’ve offended her, the best course of action would be to apologize: “I’m sorry if I offended you with my text the other day. I didn’t says things the way I meant them to come out. I’d like for us to end this year on a good note. I’d hate for you to be mad at me when we’re saying goodbye.” Think about how you’d want someone to apologize to you.
- At the same time, try not to let other people’s thoughts rule how you wish to act. From what you’ve said, it doesn’t seem like you have done anything wrong, but if you want to apologize for the text or explain yourself, feel free to! You were just being a friendly person for sending a text and you should not feel ashamed of this. If people want to react negatively to your positive, social gestures, they’re the ones closing off positivity in their lives and that’s their loss. Try not to be afraid of putting yourself out there and showing your love for people– it’s better to express yourself than to regret not doing so.
- What would you think if you were in her shoes?
- How would you want someone to act if they sent you a similar text?
- Do you think you have done anything wrong? Why or why not?
- What about your text was awkward or wrong?
- If you were to apologize to her, what would you say?