im living a hell
My week started terrible: i had a swollen eye and i was in pain. I told my favorite person im switching schools cause i wasnt there to make him worry about me. He told me he wanted me to be his valentines. So i told him im joking. On tuesday i let my only friend talk to my favorite person again whom she bullied. He forgave her. She forgave him. Although he puts me through hell and she puts him through hell. They talked and eventually started ignoring me so i got upset. Wednesday i broke down. I was slapping myself, hitting myself and crying saying i hate them to get an reaction. Thursday he said she made him happy even though i left her and my other friends for him. I told on someone who manipulated him.. FOR HIM. Now hes hanging out with them again. Bad people. Im with my old friends again, they regret calling me things. But then again, my favorite person ditched his best friend for my old… only friend.. but not anymore, and that raggedy girl. Friday i got sick from stress. So much anxiety. I got sick. My symptoms got so bad it feels terrible. Now his friends are harrassing me. I JUST WANT HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE. I DID MORE FOR HIM THAN ANY OF THOSE STUPID WHORES DID. (explicit). THEY WILL NEVER COMPLIMENT AND SAY I LOVE YOU LIKE I DID DIRECTLY TO HIM. I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM. HE CAN ATLEAST USE HIS LITTLE AMOUNT OF EMPATHY TO TELL HIS FRIENDS TO LEAVE ME AND MY FRIENDS ALONE. NOW MY PARENTS HAVE COVID AND I HAVE COVID NOW. IM DOUBLE SICK. I BLAME EVERYTHING ON HIM. I HATE HIM. I DONT HATE HIM. IM AFRAID OF HIM. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I HATE HIM. I WISH HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING NICE TO ME. I WISH HE COMPLIMENTED ME STILL THOUGH. HE NAMED ME REPLACED BUT THEM A REPLACEMENT. HES A HYPOCRITE. HE SAYS MY FRIENDS MAKE HIM CRY AND HE DOESNT LIKE ME BEING WITH MY FRIENDS? YET HE SAYS HE CAN BE FRIENDS WITH WHOEVER HE WANTS? SHUT THE HELL UP. I WANT TO HOSTPITALIZE MYSELF. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF. HE WILL LEAVE THEM AND ASK IF IM OKAY. his friends must be scared. I hope they are. I hope they feel terrible too.
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- Do you have a trusted adult that you can talk to about your feelings? This can be anyone from a parent, coach, teacher, family member, or even religious affiant. Sometimes it is hard to talk to someone at first, but getting out some feelings might be a good start at feeling better, and who knows maybe they have been through something similar.
- It sounds like you are having a lot of feelings right now with your friend. Did you try and talk to them about how you are feeling?
- Sometimes Journaling how we are feeling can assist us in multiple ways. It allows for us to get out our feelings by processing with multiple parts of the brain which allows for us to have a clearer picture of how we are feeling. As this processing is occurring sometimes people state that they feel a sense of relief.
- You mentioned in your story that this person was your only friend. Is there a way to connect with others? Does your school have any activities that you might be interested in to make some more friends. It may seem scary at times to make new friends but can be very rewarding in the long run.