Title: it’s becoming hell.
Yeah, hi again. So uh, this is my sixth time writing here, and I wanted to let you know that things are working out better for me. The main problem isn’t really depression anymore (although that is still a massive problem), it’s my horrors. You can learn all about them in the story titled “My Horrors”. They’re only getting worse. I’m only getting worse. Once, I insisted on staying downstairs and never falling asleep because I was so freaking scared. I almost smashed the mirror with a hammer, but I couldn’t find one. I refused to go to my bathroom for quite a while. My parents are getting worried. I haven’t told them, because if I tell them anything, they’ll take away the very little independence I own and make me do things that’ll make me more stressed. My nightlight (yes, I have a nightlight. It’s real serious.) ran out of light once, and I just went crazy looking for another one. I don’t understand why I’m even seeing these things in the mirror. That rope around my neck looks uncomfortable. That knife in my abdomen looks painful. My face…covered in black. Only red eyes show through. It doesn’t look like someone would be comfortable looking at that. Oh my god.
- Thank you for writing into TeenCentral again. We are glad to hear that things are working out better for you
- I know that you are stating that you are not talking to your parents, but that might be a good way to get out a lot of what is happening, and to get assistance with some professional care such as a therapist. You state that they will then make you do things that stress you out more, but if it is something that is going to help you (such as talking to someone) that could really assist in the long run. We often feel stress in the beginning as we often feel vulnerable talking about what is going on, but as time progresses and we are able to process that has the potential to get better.
- If you feel as though you can’t talk to your parents, we always suggest then finding another trusted adult to speak to such as a counselor, or a teacher. Anyone that will be able to assist you in processing through what is happening and how you are feeling.
- You reported that things are getting better. It might help to find out what is making things better. Is this a new view on something, or something that you are doing such as taking walks, or journaling. By find out what works you will in time be able to calm yourself faster.
- Restricting yourself from things like the bathroom or sleep isn’t good for the body. It is important to find other ways to ease that anxiety. Some ideas can be located in our TOOLS tab. I suggest taking a look finding out which ones you would be open to trying and see if they work.
- If there is ever the idea or urge to harm yourself or others it is important to reach out for assistance. I have included a hotline into this post so that you have it. Stay safe!
National Suicide Hotline
Helps individuals in suicidal crisis with support
Support to all individuals in crisis
Text “HELLO” to 741741