Hey my issue today is with you. You give us the exact same advice each time. I can barely use any of it.
I’m sorry I just really needed someone to take my anger out on.
I feel like my parents hate me. They gave me beef with some sort of sauce and after telling them I didn’t like it they made me eat it anyway. They just made me eat it. They even didn’t believe me when I was telling them the truth. I’m literally crying right now. I’m sorry I can’t explain it because I keep crying when i think about it.
P.S. I’m an adult and I won’t be able to tell them without getting emotional or in trouble.
Please give me something useful
THE ISSUES
- Thank you for being honest about your feelings. It’s a challenge to really talk about things online when you are not face to face. Have you ever tried one of the numbers on our Help Page? I only ask that because it may help more to hear a voice. I have some other thoughts as well.
- Two things struck me that you said. First is, “They just made me eat it.” Second is, “I’m an adult.” If you are an adult, then I must assume that your parents can no longer make you eat anything. You can politely say, “No, thank you. I’d rather not.” What would happen if you said that?
- Let’s assume your parents became angry with you. What does it mean for you when they become angry? Could you handle them being angry at you for a while?
- Let’s assume you “got in trouble“? As an adult, what would that mean for you? Can you manage being “in trouble” for the sake of standing up for yourself?
- I’m asking these questions so you will think through the situation. You said in your story that you are an adult. This should mean something important – something powerful, even. Your relationship with your parents needs to CHANGE once you are no longer a child. This is true even if you are still living in their home – even if you still drive one of their cars, etc.
- Keep in mind, if you are a young adult (18-23), it is normal for this to be a difficult time between you and your parents. They want to hold on to you. They might try to do that by setting rules that are a bit outrageous – like micromanaging what you eat. You, naturally, are trying to grow away from your parents. This push-pull dynamic is painful for everyone involved. You may not want to hear this (and they may not either) but a therapist might help. If they won’t go to therapy with you, it might help you to see someone by yourself. You might learn some things to say and do when that dynamic happens or when there is an argument. Instead of feeling like a kid, powerless, you could learn to find your strength as an adult.
SELF-CARE
- In addition to addressing the issue you wrote about specifically; I’d like to suggest that you start a plan of self-care for your life. I only have one tool for you to review. It’s called a Wheel of Mental Health Protective Equipment. It reminds you of all the different areas in life you should attend to and take care of. I hope you are taking at least one thing away from this post. I know this time of life can be hard, but you can find your strength – I know it!
