I am in an amazing relationship with the best person ever. I love him more than anything in the world and I’m gonna move in with him soon when I’m 18. I’m not interested in anyone else, no crushes or anything, but I am polyamorous. He knows that and he said we could talk about it if I ever ended up liking someone but that he’s not very good with poly relationships due to how previous relationships treated him.
Recently I keep having dreams about a couple of my old crushes as if I still liked them or like we were together and I hate it. I’m not interested in these people anymore and I don’t know why I keep having these dreams. I’m really worried that I’m gonna end up getting another crush on someone and that it’ll cause tension between me and my boyfriend. We both have a lot of anxiety about the other one leaving and I don’t know what to do about it
THINGS YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW
- Firstly, thank you so much for reaching out to the TeenCentral community. Connecting with us is an amazing way to empower yourself and gather some guidance through your struggles.
- Feelings are not right or wrong- they just are. Research has taught us that dreaming helps us organize and process our memories, among other things. It helps us also process emotions related to those memories. Does this knowledge help you feel less anxious about why you may be dreaming about these old relationships? When you are worried try to think about it in this way, “I don’t have to worry about this. There is a normal, biological purpose for these dreams, and it doesn’t mean anything about my current relationship.”
- If your anxiety and worry ever makes you unsafe with yourself or like there’s no one to talk to about how you feel, please reach out to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They are available 24 hours a day. In order to reach the National Suicide Hotline you DIAL or TEXT 988 or CHAT at 988lifeline.org. Help is literally a text away.
- Is there anyone in your life you could talk to about how you feel? You may not want to unload this on your boyfriend because you’re right – it may just increase his anxiety about things. Perhaps someone you haven’t tried talking to before but is trustworthy. It could be a trusted friend or family member. Just being able to confide in someone and express your feelings can be helpful.
WHEN YOU ARE UP FOR IT
- In the learn section of our website, there is a section on relationships that is very helpful. It can give you some knowledge and awareness in your relationship which might help with the insecure feelings.
- Writing/Journaling—Keeping track of your thoughts and feelings is important and can aid in navigating difficult emotions. Many people write down their dreams when they first wake up in an attempt to discover more about what their subconscious mind is telling them.
- Under the tools section of our homepage, there are some worksheets that might help with your situation. There is a “Conflict Conversation Organizer” which might make it easier to discuss these emotions with your partner—even though you didn’t necessarily have a “conflict.” There is also a sheet on “Making Hard Decisions” as well as one on potential signs of an “Unhealthy Relationship” just to give you information for the future.
Thanks so much for reaching out to TeenCentral! Please feel free to write back whenever you need—your voice is always welcome here!
