I’m a Trans Female, 17.
So this has been an issue with me for years, Like, The better part of a decade. Sometimes dumb things I said a while ago come back to me and I get this super overwhelming feeling of shame and embarrassment, It happened while I was outside a few times and I basically just curled up into a ball on the grass cause I wasn’t sure what else to do.
I guess this wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t say stupid shit without thinking all the time. I’ve said dumb things on the internet (Including this site) too, And these really get to me cause some of that stuff is just, Stuck. I can’t get rid of it.
I just struggle sometimes to think about how things I say are really personal or just dumb. On this site there was a post I did about something very personal, And then quickly followed it up with another post that was like “Oh my god that story was really embarrassing fuck.”
And it’s been a long time and I’m still embarrassed by that even though no one knows it was me, I just wish I could think through things more. I can’t talk about this with anyone really cause I can’t elaborate without divulging on dumb things I did and further embarrassing myself.
It doesn’t help that I’m kind of embarrassed by my body too, I hate how tall I am, It makes it embarrassing to just go in public sometimes, Cause I’m taller than everyone else.
Best way to sum it all up, I’m ashamed of basically everything about me.
What should I do? Is this a normal problem?
First, Helping Yourself
- Thank you for sharing your story with the TeenCentral community. You are definitely experiencing normal feelings for someone your age in situations you have described. We are so glad you had the courage to tell your story even though it may feel embarrassing to tell.
- Feelings of embarrassment and shame are difficult, but you are not alone. Have you read any of the other stories on TeenCentral? If not, we encourage you to sort through them and find that others have experienced similar things. Sometimes this is helpful – to know that you are not the only one struggling in this way.
Isolation can lead to hopelessness – and this is especially true for young people who are part of the LGBTQ+ community.
According to the Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ youth are 4X more likely to consider suicide than their peers NOT because of their sexual orientation or gender identity but BECAUSE of how they are treated in society. Isolation is a major motivator for considering high risk solutions like suicide. This is why TeenCentral takes your feelings and concerns VERY SERIOUSLY. We can tell by how you are telling your story that you feel ashamed and possibly very lonely. When you say, “I’m ashamed of basically everything about me,” we hear the isolation and loneliness.
- We also hear that you’ve written to TeenCentral before so, you know we will always recommend that you consider talking to a trusted adult. Have you tried that yet? Has it helped? Not helped? Have you found the right person? Have you considered finding an advocate for LGBTQ+ youth in your school or community who might understand more what you’re going through? On our HELP page there are help lines to The Trevor Project 24/7 Call 866-488-7386 or log on to http://www.thetrevorproject.org. There is also the Trans Lifeline available 24/7 Call (877) 565-8860 or log on to http://www.translifeline.org.
- If you ever start having really dark feelings please contact the Crisis Text line, simply text “HOME” to “741741.” They are available 24/7, someone is just a text message away.
Consider This:
- Have you considered ways to help you express yourself such as journaling? Sometimes writing things down can help you express your thoughts and feelings. You can keep it to yourself or share it with someone if you are comfortable doing so. Journalling also helps you keep track of things that have been happening in your life (good and bad) as well as your feelings about those events over time. When you review how you and your life has changed there is an opportunity for learning. Learn more by checking out this blog HERE.
- How about grounding techniques such as breathing or meditation? It can help you focus better, calm anxiety and quiet racing thoughts. Here is a blog that teaches 4-square breathing, a really helpful technique. Check it out HERE.
