Throughout my childhood, I never went to church and there was no religion in my household. My parents came from different religious backgrounds and they both left their churches before they had kids. My grandpa is Mormon and has always encouraged me to go to church with him. I always went and had a great time, but I never felt it was for me or that I would want to get baptized. Every time I visit him he tries to convince me otherwise and every time I have to explain it’s not the path I want to take. In recent years, my grandpa was diagnosed with a deadly cancer, and the time is coming soon when he will die. Now more than ever, I know he is afraid of what will happen to me when he goes and if we will have “eternal life” in the afterlife together. I’ve talked to my parents about him pressuring me to join and I’ve even wondered if it would be easiest for me to just get baptized to make him happy and proud before he dies. They just get angry that he is even trying to pressure me and this just makes me feel worse.
I am not afraid of death, and I am not afraid of what comes in the afterlife. I just do not want to dedicate myself to a religion. But, I am afraid that my grandpa will die disappointed in me. I have a great relationship with my grandpa, but I know there is this underlying feeling and pressure from him with the church. I worry about this a lot.
Think About It
- It must be so difficult to be dealing with these kinds of feelings when you’re already preparing to lose a loved one. Our condolences to you and your family.
- One of the things to ask yourself, is whether or not your decision will truly affect your relationship with your grandpa. He is worried about it, but do you believe it will change how much he loves you? There’s a difference in those concepts which may/ may not affect your decisions.
- Have you thought about reaching out to a member of the church? You don’t have to join, but maybe just talk with them about your feelings and both of your perspectives. They may be able to provide you guidance or clarification with this situation, and they aren’t as involved as others close to you are who may have their own feelings about this.
What To Do
- While looking at ways to address this situation, remember that there is a lot more going on and find ways to enjoy your time with your grandpa. That will mean so much to both of you.
- You may want to try to find someone that you trust that you can talk to outside of the situation who can help you address your feelings specifically. This is a heavy burden, and you need support in this as well.
- Stop and take a minute for yourself every once in awhile, to acknowledge the relationship you have with your grandpa and be proud to be as close as you are. That is an accomplishment in and of itself. You both are amazing.
