self harm was my escape. i know people say “its not normal. get help.” but the fact that so many people do it normalizes it. and i love it. i love pain, i love the way it looks, and i love the burning feeling after. i get so ashamed though. i know i shouldn’t enjoy it, but i crave the pain. i loved the feeling like i was trapped, and i had no escape, i liked the way a blade could just rip through my skin. i loved how bad it hurt. i never told anyone except for my best friend. the first time i did it, i never told anyone. it was my biggest secret. now, if someone sees it, i dont care. i just want the pain. i want to hurt again. im a week clean from cutting, and i might do it again tonight.
THINGS YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW
- First we would like to thank you for having the courage for writing in to TeenCentral! Many people struggle with reaching out for help and we’re glad you had the bravery to do it!
- If you are ever feeling unsafe, or you feel so sad that you have no one you can turn to please reach out to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They are available 24 hours a day, you can contact them by calling 1-800-273-8255 or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org. If you would rather text someone you can contact the crisis help line by texting “Hello” to 741-741. There is always someone just a text away.
- I know you mentioned that you told your best friend about your self harm, do you have anyone else you could talk to? Other people you could talk to include a teacher, guidance counselor, religious leader, or trusted family member.
- Here at TeenCentral we have a great tab under the Learn drop down section, Self Injury. Click here to go to our Self Injury tab where you could potentially learn more!
- Another tab we have on TeenCentral is our Support Plan page that could be helpful when you are trying to think about signs and symptoms, self help, and supports.