My parents fight sometimes and that’s fine, I’m used to it, but last night was different. I tried to get over it and walked into the school in a good mood. Then, for some reason, me and my friend start to fight and for the rest of the day they are being passive and avoidant towards me. At lunch, I thought we could talk but no. So, I move to another table where some of my other friends are sitting. Then that’s when they started to smile and laugh and talk. When I left…I felt so hurt and I wanted to cry but I didn’t. I tried to have a good time. I just feel like I put a lot of effort into people and they don’t return it back to me. Then I decided if they’re not going to meet me halfway, then they’re going to have to rebuild. I’m done letting people use me as a doormat. But one thing I don’t understand is how close we were, and then just letting one tiny thing do THIS? They said they didn’t want to lose me as a friend but I’m wondering if that’s even true…
Help Yourself:
- It seems like you are going through a really difficult time right now. We appreciate your courage to share your story with us. Be proud of yourself for reaching out for help. Your family is going through a tough time right now, and it’s not unusual for emotions to be really intense and even carry over into your friendships. It can be hard to navigate family dynamics as well as friendships because they have similar bonding components. Check out the LEARN section for good information about family conflict that may help you understand more about relationship building within the family.
- Also, friendships can be tricky at this time of your life. As you mentioned, you have your own thoughts and feelings about what is going on at home, which may carry into school. It is good idea to step back and evaluate yourself as well as your friends. In our TOOLS section you will find a good friend/ toxic friend resource that may help.
Consider this:
- You seem to appear stressed and overwhelmed. It is very important to make sure that you are doing the best you can to take care of yourself at least with the basics. Let’s start with the “Mental Health Protective Equipment” [MPE]. It’s no different than a nurse putting on gloves in a doctor’s office to protect themselves. We all need to put on basic “equipment” to protect ourselves during times of stress. Check out the TOOLS sections and look at the MPE Tool to help you learn those basics. Then check in with yourself. How are you doing with each of the MPEs?
- Secondly, is there anyone in your life that you feel safe talking about this situation with? Think about it- is there a sibling, neighbor, or another trusted friend that you can discuss this with? Just being able to get these feelings out to someone in your life might feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. This support might make the tough times easier. If you feel up to it, you can even try addressing your feelings with your parents and how their fighting makes you feel. If you can release some of that stress, you might be able to address your feelings with your friends more easily.
- Lastly, in the middle of everything you are dealing with it must seem almost impossible to truly relax. In fact, we think that many people have a hard time relaxing even when they aren’t under stress. If you look under the LEARN section of our website and then hover over Wellness, you’ll see a choice to learn more about Relaxation. Once you’ve learned a little more about how to incorporate relaxation into a stressful life, give one of the strategies a try. Facing your stressful situation at home and at school will be more manageable if you have taken some time to care for yourself. We think you’re important and you got this!
