Hi Teencentral, I used to come here often more than ten years ago when I was still a teenager, so this place feels familiar and warm to me. I want to ask a question: how should people with physical or mental disabilities—such as those on the ASD spectrum or even those with mental illnesses—address their sexual needs? What channels exist to meet reliable romantic partners? I’ll try to keep this brief. I also realized that i would like my emotional and sexual needs to be fulfilled. In the age of social media, I sometimes see young, attractive people sharing their hookup experiences. Seeing these posts triggers intense frustration and anxiety in me. I feel my life is boring compared to theirs and wonder how they manage it. Of course, I don’t want to randomly hook up—I don’t want to risk getting an STI. How should people with physical or mental disabilities—such as those on the ASD spectrum or even those with mental illnesses—address these needs? When I feel desire, I don’t know how to address it. I feel unfulfilled.
I live in a developing country where social security and care resources for ASD and mental illness are relatively scarce, and most people—including my former self—lack awareness of these issues. As a child, I was quiet, timid, and introverted, and others saw me that way too. I’d proactively make one or two friends to hang out with, but after that, I wouldn’t seek out more friends—I seemed to lack the motivation. Occasionally, I’d envy my extroverted, bold peers who had many friends. Even when I wasn’t hanging out with close friends, I was content with solitary activities like observing animals, plants, or ants moving their nests. I also seemed unable to pick up on implied meanings in conversations—I could only understand words literally. I’m not sure whether I’ve been on the ASD spectrum since childhood without receiving sufficient attention or diagnosis.
Later, in middle school, the academic pressure in my developing country became overwhelming—daily heavy homework and frequent exams. I struggled to adapt to the high-pressure environment, my mood deteriorated, and I lost even the will to maintain one or two friendships. After a misunderstanding caused me to fall out with my only friend, I began living completely alone, no longer making new friends. At the time, I didn’t realize this was a problem—I actually felt happy and relaxed. Later, I even dropped out of school and returned home. Leaving that high-pressure environment made me feel genuinely joyful, but my leisure activities had nothing to do with the outside world (I didn’t spend money or time traveling or making new real-life friends). I just stayed home reading, shopping, writing, and chatting with internet friends worldwide to practice English. I even felt that was the happiest period of my life. (I should add that I once saw a counselor, but mental health services and counseling in developing countries are often unregulated and lack supervision, so they weren’t helpful to me.)
Later, in university, I studied diligently, but I still had little interest in making friends. One or two classmates I got along with well were enough for chatting and hanging out—I didn’t socialize, date, or party like other students. If I had no classes, I’d often go home since I lived nearby, spending time reading or watching movies at home—very much a homebody. At the time, I never realized this zero-social-life lifestyle was problematic. After graduating, I didn’t go to work either. I’ve forgotten what I was thinking back then, but I was completely satisfied with this free, unrestrained lifestyle—I didn’t want to pursue a master’s degree or get a job. I was genuinely happy every day. Only in recent years did I suddenly realize this lifestyle was wrong. I’d been staying home too long, my social withdrawal had become severe, and my social skills had deteriorated to the point that I’d be utterly unable to adapt to society’s pace if I suddenly tried to work.
HOW YOURSELF:
First, I want to thank you for reaching out to TeenCentral. It takes a lot of courage to tell your story. Growing up is hard and working through all the things that come up in life can be difficult for everyone. Be proud of yourself.
Consider This:
- Talking to an adult you can trust about your feelings is a good place to start. Do you have anyone that you can reach out to? You stated that you did speak to a counselor maybe that would be a place to start again as well. A lot of times these people have gone through things like you are now. They have good advice and can help direct you in your decisions.
- Another place you might want to explore is how to meet your social and emotional wants first with people your age. Can you find social activities in your area to work on your social interactions and social availability this may leave you feeling less unfulfilled.
- This is a very confusing time in your life. Perhaps you could try joining new clubs/sports at school or in your community. There are plenty of teenage groups and support groups of all kinds. Try visiting your local library or speaking to a counselor at your school for more information.
Some Resources For Later:
- Take time to check out the Relationships section under our Learn tab on our website where we provide examples and signs of Healthy Relationships vs Unhealthy Relationships.
- If you navigate to our Tools section of the website, you will find plenty of resources and information about Support Planning, Social Skills, and even guides for Making Hard Decisions.
- If joining a new club, team, of support group is not for you then perhaps you could try journaling. Journaling is a great way to sort your thoughts and feelings and tends to help you better understand them. Journaling could also help to figure out and establish your own personal boundaries with yourself as well as with those around you.
