i honestly feel so defeated at this point. these last 6 months have been crazy. i was sexually abused by my ex bf when i was 15 (april of this year). i am now 16 years old and i went to 2 months of treatment for mental health, depression, self harm and anxiety and discharged on June 30th. i reported the sexual abuse when i was in treatment but he still goes to my school. we dont interact but it feels wrong because one day im getting panic attacks of the multiple occasions the sexual abuse happened, but then the next day im missing him and wishing we were still together. is it okay to still have feelings for my ex bf that sexually abused me? it feels like it invalidates the S.A.
then about a couple of months ago i got in contact with my biological mom. i want to go live with her and my 2 little sisters. i havent wanted to live with my adopted parents for the past 2 years, but my biological mom hasnt had custody of me since i was 7 years old. ive told my therapist and ive told the hospital, and ive told the treatment center i was in, but they cant do anything about it because my adoptive parents are pissed at me and wont let me live with my bio mom. i dont want to live here with my adoptive parents, they are toxic, they gaslight me, and i feel uncomfortable in this house. they were the main reason i was self harming since the time i was 12 years old because it was my way of having control over my life. not only that but they are manipulative and emotionally abuse me. is there any way my biological mom can gain custody of me without consent from my adoptive parents? she is almost 8 years clean of drugs after going to rehab and she is in a really good place right now. if not is it possible to get emancipated in California at 16 years old without parent consent so i could live with my bio mom?
FIRST THINGS FIRST:
- It sounds like you have gone through a lot, and it makes sense how you could be feeling the things you are feeling right now. Especially the mixed emotions regarding your sexual abuse. It can be easy to question yourself and feel guilty over these conflicting thoughts and emotions, but it can be normal in experiences like yours. We thank you for having the courage and strength to reach out for support.
- It’s good that you have spoken to others in your life about your feelings and experiences – keep going. These conversations may not always be able to fix the issue or take away all of the negative emotions right away, but they help others understand you and give you a voice. That’s important, especially when you feel out of control in your own life.
- Continuing these conversations may also help you get the answers you are looking for. If you are still speaking to a therapist, they may be a good person to direct these questions to as they better understand your specific circumstances.
IN ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION…
To be eligible for emancipation in California, the following requirements must be met:
- The minor must be at least 14 years old.
- The minor must demonstrate the ability to manage their finances.
- The minor must have a legal source of income.
- The minor must prove they can make responsible decisions regarding their well-being.
- The minor must show that living with their parents is not in their best interest.
This information was procured from an article that also has other directions about emancipation specific to the state of California. (Jacob Maslow, 2023) READ HERE if you’d like to learn more.
COPING WITH THE SITUATION IN THE MEANTIME:
- Keep working on ways to manage your anxiety, depression, and self-harm. You can do that in a few ways. First is to find and use any positive coping skills you may have – journaling, exercise, deep breathing and other things that calm you when upset. What are the coping skills that help you? Another important step is to keep building your understanding your mental health. Under our LEARN tab we have info about each of the topics you should check out.
- Continue to process through your abuse as much as you are comfortable doing so – it can be a tough process. Opening up about it while in treatment was a great first step. If you are still talking to your therapist, they can be a great person to help guide you through the feelings and thoughts you have related to that abuse. Just know you are not alone in the way you feel about it.
- It sounds like you have a difficult time with your adoptive parents and can’t be where you want to be at the moment. That’s tough. But that doesn’t mean you are out of options. Who are the positive people in your life that make you happy? Try your best to surround yourself with those people and use them as support as you work through the rest of these obstacles. You can do it!