Help, I lost myself again and I can’t seem to remember how to feel.
My lips are stuck as if they’re sealed.
I try to scream but nothing comes out. People look at me and all they see is a “fake” little pout. Here I am, sad again but don’t tell my boyfriend, it’s not what he’s made for; I sit and lay here alone crying on the floor.
What was I made for?
I ask myself this on the daily when people are sitting here telling me I should know and that I get plenty.
What was I made for?
I ask myself this when my mind tells me I should test and see if I can soar. Maybe I can sprout some wings and that’ll be the sign that it isn’t my time. I talk and move and cry yet no one knows so I just feel like a mime, silent, knowingly here yet.. quiet, even in the stress.
Wouldn’t it all be easier off this planet? Out of this atmosphere, galaxy, away from all the stress. I look around and everything seems like a mess.
What was I made for?
I ask myself this when I wanna try but all I can do is cry. When I ask myself “someday.. will I know?”
What was I made for?
Here I am asking this over and over and here I still am with no answer. One minute I think I know and the next I am here again not knowing how to even feel.
Maybe someday I might.
FIRST THINGS FIRST:
- Thank you for sharing your feelings with TeenCentral. Your writing sounds like a poem and I bet you do a lot of writing don’t you? It’s good that you do, because this is a really good coping skill for when people are under stress. We would encourage you to look the other stories that have been written to TeenCentral and see how other teens share some of your feelings. You are definitely not alone.
- We can see in your writing that there is definitely a part of you that doesn’t want to be here and is very overwhelmed with your life. But there was also a part of you that doesn’t want to give up and has ideas about how to keep going! Hold on to the part of yourself that wants to keep going! Keep searching for what you were made for and keep seeking for answers.
- On those days when you don’t know how to feel or you left crying on the floor remember there is a HELP PAGE here. On that page you can find many help lines, text lines, and webpages that can help you 24 hours a day seven days a week when you are feeling in crisis. Several of them are able to help with teams internationally outside of the US as well.
- You spoke about your friends but have you ever tried to talk to a trusted adult about these feelings are having? If not your parents you could consider a guidance counselor at school, a teacher, coach, a spiritual leader, or an older family member – someone like that. Even though websites and hotlines can be a great help, sometimes there can be no substitute for talking to someone face-to-face.
COPING WITH LIFE:
- Numerous times in your post you mentioned the stress in your life. It takes a while but we all have to learn different ways to cope with that stress. There are many different suggestions on this website for coping mechanisms. What are some of your most effective coping skills in your life? If you haven’t started learning any yet here are three for you to get started on right away:
- I hear the voice of depression in your poem. I would recommend that you learn more about depression in our learn section on that topic. CLICK HERE
- After reading more about depression I would really recommend that you explore One or both of the following exercises in the tool section on the same topic. You can print it out and work on it on your own first and then afterwords share it with a trusted adult who can give you feedback. I think you might find it really helpful.
Never give up on yourself. If your best friend was coming to you with these thoughts and feelings you would probably tell them to keep searching, and keep trying. He would tell them this because they are important to you. Well, you are important to us and probably many other people in your life maybe without even realizing it.
“The heart is a bloom shoots up through the stony ground” – Beautiful Day by U2
