Hi. Im 15 this October and struggling. I dont know what to do. My parents are very “old school” i guess you could say and they have much different world views then i do. They are extremely Christian i should add and after being raised in the church for 14 years i dont believe anymore. After everything ive been through i dont think that theres a god out there. My parents (and at fault of them my siblings too) are very homophobic and racist and maga, things that i dont really support. Im a closeted bisexual and nobody at all knows because im scared my family will find out and kick me out or stop talking to me if they find out. I also have been experiencing a lot of depression lately and my best friend tells me i dont have depression because im not diagnosed. Its hard to get diagnosed when your parents dont give a shit about you and think that therapy is for mentally ill people who should live in institutions. I have nobody i trust enough to tell anything. I also struggle with self harm and i cant stop. Every time i get angry or sad or simply go numb i retreat to the feeling of pain. I dig my fingernails into my sides and when that isn’t enough i cut myself. I have told one person but i told her that i dont anymore for the sake of her feelings. I still do. I have nobody at all and i dont know what to do anymore. I feel crushed by my anxiety and depression and secrets i can never tell. 4 more years until i can graduate and go to New York and finally be who i really am. For now though i am stuck in a place where i dont feel safe to be myself or even safe enough to ask for help. I dont know what to do.
FIRST THINGS FIRST
- It has to be really difficult to share such sensitive information about yourself to anyone, given your situation and the way in which you’ve been raised. Even to share your feelings here, on TeenCentral must have taken some serious courage. So, thank you for coming to us. Never feel alone. As you may have seen on our page, there are many other kids like you who have similar struggles and this is a safe place to talk about them.
- If your mental health symptoms of depression, anxiety and self-injury ever become more intense – so intense to the point that you consider or even think about of suicide –
…stop what you are doing immediately and DIAL or TEXT the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or chat online at 988lifeline.org. This resource is available to you 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year.
- Other numbers may be helpful to your specific situation due to issues you are facing and most of the ones recommended by TeenCentral are listed on our HELP PAGE. The reason we provide these numbers to you is because sometimes it is really helpful to talk on the phone or over chat where you are having a back-and-forth conversation rather than waiting for an answer.
- You said in your story that you have no one you can trust and I’m sure that includes your parents. You also mentioned, “After everything I’ve been through, I don’t think that there’s a God out there.” I wonder if “everything you’ve been through” has to do with your parents/family, the church, both, or something else completely. Did something happen that caused you to stop believing in God or was it a gradual thing? The reason I ask is because both connection to family members and spiritual well-being can be strengths in a person’s life. They are sometimes called “protective factors” [conditions or attributes that reduce risks & build resilience in individuals facing challenges – Positive Psychology]. That being said, spiritual well-being does not necessarily mean you have to subscribe to a Reform Christian Evangelical political worldview. And positive connections to family members doesn’t always mean all family members.
- Something to think or journal about: Do I want to nurture my spiritual well-being as a protective factor in my life? If so, what does that look like? You may not want to throw all aspects of your belief system away. Also – are there any safe adults in my life who I can talk to about my struggles? Maybe they are not family members.
WORKING THROUGH THE ISSUES
- Sexuality: This can be really tough in a super-religious family. Your fears are very real. Remember, when/if you choose to come out to anyone is completely up to you. Never pressure yourself. You are still very young and have a lot of time in your life for sharing your innermost thoughts, feelings and desires. Wait for the right person you can trust that you are safe with before you share that information. In the meantime there might be some things you can learn that will help you right here on TC:
- Self-Injury: Hurting yourself is the way you are coping with all of this stress. Believe it or not you ARE trying to deal with your emotions. You’re trying to survive what feels like an impossible situation. It’s just that hurting yourself is a negative and dangerous way to do it. We need to find you another way – a better way to cope with these overwhelming feelings. There are some ideas here right on TC and one tool you might be able to buy online:
- Depression and Anxiety: You mentioned in your story that, “It’s hard to get diagnosed when your parents don’t give a s__t about you and think that therapy is for mentally ill people who should live in institutions.” I’m assuming you have never seen a therapist, and if you have it’s been a Christian counselor, Biblical counselor or Pastor. Did you know you can talk to your pediatrician about your depression and anxiety? He or she may be able to help you. In most states, by your age you can ask to see them alone for regular physicals or if you are sick. They may be able to help you. If you attend a public school, you may be able to receive services there. Ask a guidance counselor and tell them about your situation. In the meantime, you can work on some of your issues with tools we have right here:
Keep fighting for a healthy life. Ask for help where you can find it. Ask resource people (guidance counselor, helpline helpers, etc.) how to connect with real supports in the community. Continue to look for safe people in your family and friendship community. Build a tribe of people around you for support – not just because they tell you what you want to hear – but because they truly care and they will be honest with you and will be there for you. And remember, TeenCentral will always be here if you need us!
