Stories

A Lot on My Mind

By April 5, 2022No Comments

Warning, I rambled quite a bit:
I’ve had a lot on my mind recently and I feel it might help to just get it out, so I may ramble a bit. I’ve noticed that I tend too.. Idolize people, and once I idolize them in my head, no matter how hard I try to forget about them or stop idolizing them it just doesn’t seem to work. Sometimes I do manage to stop idolizing, and then a couple days or so later I find myself idolizing them again, I hate it and don’t understand it. Another thing is school, I can’t seem to get myself to ask the teacher for help when I really need too and I am quite behind. Recently in a game I play a lot I had made a friend, they seemed really nice at first so I developed a crush on them and idolized them, one day I went on with a alt account and told them that I liked them as a different person supposedly telling on me, after that when I next came back as myself they told me vaguely about that, once I said “weird, why would anyone say that” they’ve seemed so cold and it breaks my heart too bits in all honesty for I can’t stop idolizing them for reasons unknown and they told me randomly that they don’t like me or my very similar to me friend and every time I say hello to them they ignore me or simply say “No” I don’t know what I did wrong, I keep asking them what I did or said wrong, but they won’t tell me. There’s also a girl I have feelings for but I can’t even get myself to say hello to her, I’m not the best at conversating and tend to get nervous and unsure of what too say. I would appreciate some advice. I’ve been noticing that I’ve been feeling overstimulated a lot recently and am unsure as to why, I have anxiety and ADHD but I’m not sure if that has anything to do with that. I’ve been very back and forth with my self image, some days I feel so beautiful and cute, other days I feel extremely ugly and like I just want to hide and not be seen. Whenever my ADHD or anxiety symptoms affect my house life my Mom notices and never accepts it despite knowing I have both of those and knowing quite a bit about each. I feel as though my Mom tries, but she has a short temper and is VERY opiniated and disagreeing with that would not end well, too much arguing and she will force you to shut down. I think I have Insomnia, I haven’t gotten a full or good night of sleep in so many years, instead of sleeping I procrastinate sleeping for as long as possible despite knowing I have to get up extremely early and will not be able to stay awake the whole day if I don’t sleep well. I’ll get on my school Chromebook (I don’t have a phone, it’s the only thing I can use without for sure getting caught by my parents) and find any and all ways to keep me distracted then eventually force myself to go to sleep at extremely late hours, some nights 12:00 other nights 3:00 AM, around those times most often. Do I have Insomnia or am I overthinking it? Also sometimes I feel as though I have depression for sure, but it’s in phases, I often go through phases where I feel normal and phases where I feel depressed and anxious often. I don’t know what I have or what’s wrong with me. Also, I tend to make sure I’m very agreeable to avoid argument and be likes, for example I’ll agree with people even if I don’t truly agree. I NEED to be liked by everyone even though I understand that’s not possible and there will always be someone who won’t like you, I also feel as though I have to fix and help everyone even if I don’t know them, which is good and bad for I help people but also overwhelm myself with helping others. extremely sorry it’s so long, I rambled and may have forgotten what I originally came to talk about.

Help Yourself

  • It seems like your going through a really difficult time right now. Thank you for sharing your story with the TeenCentral community.
  • There are quite a few things you can do to help overcome the hurdles you are experiencing at the moment. If you click on our Learn” tab there is an entire section on “Anxiety” and  “Wellness” that may be helpful on coming up with ways to avoid sleepless nights and the anxiety you are feeling.
  • Is there anyone in your life that you feel you can talk to about your feelings? Sometimes talking to a trusted adult, or mentor can put a lot of things in perspective that were not there before. This can be any adult that you feel as though you can trust. Another suggestion may be to talk to a professional about how you are feeling. Therapists can provide a lot of insight and are very trustworthy when it comes to honesty and being able to open up about how you are feeling.

Consider This

  • There are many things that we can often do to help us feel better. The secret to it all is to simply start. Here at TeenCentral we really try to get individuals to work through things by processing what is going on within them and around them. One way that you might be able to do to this is to write about it. Journaling can be a wonderful thing. It allows for us to process information, get out feelings, and use multiple parts of the brain.
  • Another thing you may want to try could be any one of our tools section. One of my favorites is the Music Toolkit which is music focused. It will help you slow down. This could even be used when you are trying to go to sleep at night. Shutting yourself off from the other stuff and simply focusing on one thing. I would suggest some slow music if you would like to use it this way.
  • Lastly, taking care of yourself. In our Wellness tab there is a lot of information on how to do this. Try to find something new that you have not tried before. Once you have tried this you can see how this makes you feel. If it works that is wonderful and you have found a tool that is good for you. If it doesn’t then you know that you need to try again. Always remember that you are important!