Im a middle schooler, and all of my problems should be teen related, right? My parents don’t agree. I’ve been fighting symptoms of severe OCD for the past year or two, and the one time I confronted my parents, they immediately shut me down. I’m lost and I don’t know what to do. My mom constantly nags at me. There’s always something wrong I’ve done. I haven’t even been sitting on the cough for three minutes and there has already been a full-blown fight with me and my mom about something I failed to do or something I wasn’t meeting her expectations with. I’m a straight A student, I’m religious, I tell myself I’m a good person, but I feel alone and selfish. I am the therapist of my friend group and my family. I help my brother when he gets into minor arguments with my dad, I comfort my parents when they need it. I help out anyone I can, but nobody seems to care when I need to. They always shut me down. My mom is the worst when it comes to this. I know I annoy her and make her feel stressed, but I can’t help it. My mom is a workaholic and an obsessively clean person. Even if there is not a single chore left, she will find something to do. Every. Single. Day. I’m not. I want to enjoy my life. I work hard at school, why should I go deliberately look for more work. And for some reason why, even with all of the to-do lists and planners and agenda, I can never seem to remember my work. It’s different everyday. Anything and everything I do must be clean and organized. I put a tee down on the floor instead of the laundry because I am angry and upset over something, and all of a sudden, I’m the enemy and my mom is yelling her head off for a full five minutes at me. “You’re as useful as a donkey.”, “You only have to tell a human once, only donkeys have to be poked and prodded to work.”, “You’re worthless; why can’t I have another daughter.”, “If I had another daughter, she wouldn’t be like you.”, “You can’t work. You can’t do anything. You’re absolutely useless.”, “Why can’t you be perfect? I wanted a perfect daughter.”, “Why are you so stupid. If any other girl was in your place, she would have done the work perfectly.”, “How are you doing to manage your own family and house when you grow up?”, “Your generation of kids is going to be the end of the world.”, “You’re messed up and you can’t do anything right.”, “I was born to cook and clean, wasn’t I? Sometimes I wish God had never given me a daughter like you.”. There are so many more things, but ALL OF THEM have been said in the PAST THREE DAYS. three days, she’s said these exact words. I didn’t realize how bad they were until I got them out of my brain on onto a screen/paper. I really didn’t. And it might be my fault. Who knows. I can’t remember anything I have to do, and I can’t remember all of my work. But then again, I’m expected to pick up after every little thing I do. and whenever I do some work, I get constantly critisized over it. I’m tired. I need a break. Just one goddamn break.
THINGS YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW
- You seem to be experiencing some rather frustrating and challenging times. Firstly, thank you so much for reaching out to the TeenCentral community. Connecting with us is an amazing way to empower yourself and gather some guidance through your struggles.
- If you are ever feeling unsafe or like there’s no one to talk to about how you feel, please reach out to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They are available 24 hours a day at 1-800-273-8255 or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org. You can also text “Hello” to 741-741 if that’s more comfortable. Help is literally a text away.
- Is there a trusted adult in your life outside of your immediate family you could talk to about how you feel? Maybe someone you haven’t tried talking to before like a close, trusted teacher, or coach, or aunt/uncle/grandparent. Just being able to talk to someone and express your feelings can be helpful. Also seeing a therapist, you feel comfortable around and really connect with is important and could help you and your mother with communication and validation of feelings on both ends.
CONSIDER THIS
- WRITING/JOURNALING—One idea to try could be writing down your feelings and trying to share them with your mother. In the “Tools” section of our website there is a “Conflict Conversation Organizer” that could help with ways to approach interactions with your mom more positively. You could also discuss working on a “Daily Schedule” with your family that could help separate appropriate chore times from free time.
- GET OUTSIDE / NATURE—Being outside (especially as Spring is in bloom) is very helpful for the mind, body, and spirit. Finding safe, local areas like parks and community centers to go for walks/hikes or play sports with friends is a great way to unwind and get some healthy space from overwhelming situations. Things like playing basketball or going for a jog can help our bodies get the exercise they need. When the body gets exercise, it helps the mind work more efficiently and can improve our relationships with loved ones.
- Just remember that you are not alone. Families have conflict and this is something that many people work through in positive ways. Just remember to talk to someone, let someone know what’s going on, and always keep your head up.
