My mom is considering emancipation like for real. I’m turning 16 2 months and for a long time now my mom and I have just not really had the best relationship she feels I am always disrespecting her when I question her she personally is so obsessed with having her peace and knows that she does not wanna deal with me. Doesn’t wanna deal with me being a teenager or getting into trouble. She told me to think about it and that she would sign off on it how should I feel about this. Any tips?
- Thank you for reaching out to Teen Central about this problem between you and your mom. It sounds like this has been a struggle for a while, and we appreciate the opportunity to offer some suggestions.
- Emancipation is a significant decision to make as an adolescent. It’s important that you know what this means for you – typically parents’ rights are ended, and you become in charge of where you live, decisions about your health and medical treatment, and how you support yourself financially among other things. It’s a lot to take on if you’re still in school and are still a minor. Consider reading some information about emancipation in your state/country to know exactly what that means by googling “emancipation in [enter your area where you live].”
- Do you have any adults in your life that you trust that you could talk to about this? Since you and your mom are struggling to get along, it sounds like you need someone to help you think through this decision that knows you, your mom, and a little about your life. This would be a good time to reach out for someone willing to listen and hear you.
- Since you and your mom have been struggling for a while, is it possible that your mom is talking about emancipation because she’s frustrated things aren’t getting better between you? Both people in relationships are impacted by arguing, disrespect, and generally being upset day after day. If your mom is bringing up emancipation, she may be trying to tell you that she doesn’t know how to fix your relationship based on how long you’ve been struggling. This is a good time to take a hard look at what you want. Do you want to have a relationship with your mom? That may seem like a simple question – but think about it. If you do, this is the time to tell her that. If it’s really hard to talk to each other, could you write to her? Writing sometimes lets us let go of the tension we feel and be more thoughtful. What would you want her to know? What do you think she’s not understanding? We have a resource about journaling in the “What’s New” part of Teen Central called “Journaling to Cope with Stress.” This may offer some ideas about how to get your thoughts and feelings out.
- It’s not unusual to question things, especially adults like parents, when you want something your way or you don’t understand why something has to be the way it is. But there’s a line between being curious or independent and rude/disrespectful. Have you considered if you are crossing that line too often? If so, is there a different way you can talk to your mom and question without disrespecting? In LEARN, there is a section about Anger Management that may be helpful. It reviews sources of anger and types of communication. Being able to communicate assertively can help you get your needs met and keep relationships on a good track.
- Finally, the path to good relationships with other people starts with your relationship with yourself. Are you struggling with any kinds of tough feelings or thoughts about yourself that are coming out at your mom or others? Consider that good health is physical AND mental. It’s important to take time every day to take care of yourself – either doing something physical like exercise or going outside, or creative like listening to music or creating art. Many people these days have taken up yoga or meditation to cope with stress. If you want to try something like this, check out LEARN for the Wellness section and TOOLS for resources about yoga, meditation and other self-care activities.