I’ve been friends with this girl called [name withheld] for a bit, since the end of March I think. We got along well very quickly, because we relate emotionally and intellectually, and have similar personality types. It’s been really nice honestly, most of my life I’ve had trouble relating to people for one reason or another so to finally befriend someone I synergize with has been amazing.
It’s also worth mentioning I’m needy as all hell. Mommy issues plus just an anxious disposition means I’m very clingy at times, and I always have the fear looming in the back of my mind that I’m unlovable, that the world tolerates me and that people only talk to me because they’ve no one else to talk to. That everyone always has something better to do, and would opt out if given the chance.
I’m starting to think she sees me as a burden, and it’s increasingly hard to tell if that’s actually realistic or if it’s just cognitive distortion. We used to talk nearly every day, yet for the past month either I initiate conversation or it doesn’t happen. If I text every day, we talk every day. If I wait for her to text first, 5+ days can easily go by.
The past week especially has been rough. She’s been a lot more busy and thus hasn’t really had time to talk or hang out, and logically I know that’s not her fault, yet emotionally the reaction has been a whole lot of “what did I do wrong, why doesn’t she want to be my friend anymore?”
It’s really hard to tell if I’m just being crazy though. A week of nothing feels like a lifetime even though it’s, you know, a week. And I keep flipping back and forth. She’s just busy, if you’re patient and supportive she’ll make time for you when she has it.
Actually that’s wrong! She sees you as a burden and only talks to you out of obligation. She wants your effort and support and reciprocity but couldn’t be bothered to return it!
No, you’re crazy. Friendship is not an end all be all, you don’t have to bear your soul to someone nor should you expect that in return. You’re taking this too far.
Etc etc etc. It really sucks.
I have no idea if this is just how friendship should normally be or if it really is as one sided as it feels.
HELPING YOURSELF RIGHT AWAY
- First, I would like to thank you for having the courage to share your story with TeenCentral community. Be proud of yourself for reaching out for help. This is often half the battle!
- Talking to the person who is confusing you and letting them know how you feel is a great place to start. Let them know you are struggling with this and would like help. You might be surprised that if you are up front ask for help the other person might be willing to help you. At the very least you will hopefully receive some honesty from the person so you can better understand how they are feeling on their end about the situation. If it’s nothing – then you’ll know for sure!
- We know that it’s super hard to just start a conversation like that, so we developed a tool that can help. CLICK HERE, download and use it to prepare your thoughts.
- If you are not ready to talk to your friend yet, perhaps reach out to someone else you trust like your parents, church leader, older cousin, coach, teacher or someone else. Sometimes a face-to-face conversation can be just what you need to get your feelings out and off your chest.
COPING WITH FEELINGS AND RELATIONSHIPS
- Here on TeenCentral we have a section called Tools. We recommend that you take a look at one on social skills and on healthy relationships. When you are feeling a certain way in any relationship and it is not making you feel good the best thing you can do is express it to that person in a respectful way.
- Journaling before you speak to get your thoughts out on paper might be a good way of expressing yourself. Journaling can help you get your words out in a constructive and positive way. It is one of the first coping skills we recommend to our TeenCentral story writers. To learn more CLICK HERE.
- It is very important to work on yourself and feel more confident in how you communicate with others. In the Tools section there is also a tab called Positive Self Talk. Check out ways you can improve how you feel about yourself.
Always, remember to keep your chin up and look for solutions that will work best for you. Keep growing and keep learning that’s how we get better!
