Hi, it’s me again. I’ve just wanted to vent a little and add updates to my other stories. I am going to my second mental hospital this Friday, and Thursday is my last day of school. I only have 2 days left… most of my friends know I’ve been to hospitals and stuff like that so I’m not surprised. I just don’t want to get close with the people there because last time, I became really close with someone there and then I found out she killed herself after she got out. I’m getting admitted on Thursday and I am having a 3 hour meeting with the doctors and admissions people AND my parents. When I was in the ER before, my parents didn’t have to be in there for the interview and this time they might have to be. The reason I don’t want them in there is because my dad used to abuse me and he has been not doing it as much I can tell he is trying but I still don’t like him very much. He thinks abuse and cruel punishment is normal. He thinks divided families are normal, and my mom used to say my counselors were demons or posessed or something. But I’m thankful I don’t have to be around my ex best friend anymore because I’m leaving for the hospital soon. Last hospital was for a suicide attempt and I was on suicide watch and I was on a high risk unit. This time I’ll be going there for about a month on a lower risk unit. I just hope this one helps, because the last one barely helped. And school and homework -I don’t even want to do it anymore because it’s useless if I’m gonna be gone the rest of the year… my teachers are traumatizing-one is- and she is so mean and doesn’t understand I have to go to therapy appointments(once she pulled me out of another class and demanded to know why I wasn’t there for her class-I was at therapy…) and she always shamed our class for not being fluent in a language she barely even knows herself. She’s very aggressive and triggers me. Also me and my dad got into a big fight recently and I told him I didn’t want him in our house anymore if all he was gonna do is argue and yell at me just because I moved one of his shirts from the laundry- and then I cried during dinner with my mom and she told me she didn’t want a crybaby at her table. I walked upstairs and dropped my plate because I was in shock and felt unwanted, but then she yelled at me to stop being so over dramatic. Anyways… I hope this time the hospital will help… maybe.
Take the time to:
Hello, thank you for sharing your feelings again with us at TC. You are going through some hard times but these times can pass and you can live a happy, productive life. Be proud of yourself that you are seeking the help you need.
- Please, take advantage of the help that is being offered to you at the Hospital. Go to groups, be involved in your therapy, and don’t go there to make friends!! It’s ok to have friends in the Hospital but make sure your focusing on your treatment. You are a huge part of you getting better. You can do this!!!! but you need to talk to your Doctor’s, Therapist, Staff, and yes your family. Sometimes a Hospital can be chaotic and you feel like your not getting the attention you need. Advocate for yourself and make sure your doing your part to show that you want to get better.
- School is over, for now forget about school, your teacher’s and homework. Make this” the summer of self-care.” Focus on you and make yourself the priority this summer. Be hopeful that next year is a new year and you most likely won’t have to deal with the same teachers. Also, get to know the counselors at school, let them know if you feel a teacher is being intrusive or triggering.
- You had mentioned some abuse in your story. Know that this is not ok, and that there are people out there that can help you through this. We have this very resourceful blog which tells us how to report the abuse ourselves and the very adults that we can talk to . It is “Getting help for Abuse on Your own“. We also encourage you talking to the very professionals that you are having these meetings with. They are there to help, and this may assist in your treatment plan.
- You have a plan!!! stick to it!! Learn what your triggers are and what helps you when your depressed. Take the opportunity to work on some new coping skills while your in the Hospital. Talk to your doctor about medication, be truthful about all your symptoms and feelings. This will help them find the correct medication for you. I know it can be frustrating waiting for a medication to help but hang in there. No medication is going to make you feel 100% better, but medication, therapy and coping skills will help you get through this!!!
- If you can identify when you are starting to have negative thoughts or are having a lot of anxiety, try this experiment. Put something hot, sour, or intense mint tasting in your mouth. Some examples would be Airheads, Red Hot Dot’s, or Fireballs, or even Mustard!! This causes our brain to focus on the intense sensation in our mouth and helps to ground us from our feelings of anxiety, depression, or negative thinking. This really does work for most people. It is not a permanent solution but can help to calm your emotions enough to think about what else helps you. I hope you try it!!
- Your familiar with the site so I’m not going to point out things for you to look at. Please take the time again to see if we have anything posted that will help you. You may find something that you will want to share in group at the Hospital. I know it’s hard to do when your depressed but Deep breathing is also very grounding, doing crossword puzzles, sudoku, word finds make us focus on game and gives our brain time to get out of that fight or flight feeling.
- Lastly I’d like to say congratulations!! You are brave for seeking treatment for your mental health. You have no idea how many people can’t take that step. Keep trying, don’t give up. The world needs you, you are important!!! You may just not realize it yet. Please invest in your therapy, share the knowledge you learn with others. Be open with your parents in front of your therapist. That is a safe place and a good place to talk to them. Together, you all can work on making changes to make things at home better. Hang in there!!! I know you can do it.