Stories

I Feel Like There’s No Escape

By January 3, 2021No Comments

my friends are bad people and i plan on not being friends with them, but then i’ll have no friends.  so it’s either be friends with people you hate or have no friends at all.  there’s nobody i can connect with irl (in real life).  you see, i’m really young.  i’m only 11.  i matured way too quickly, and now there’s nobody in my grade that i can really click with.  it’s not like i can get friends outside of school, because of A; covid-19, and even if rona didn’t exist, then B; my parents are extremely strict.  i’m not allowed to leave my house unless it’s to the grocery store with my mother, and if i’m lucky i’ll convince them to let me go to the park (note, the park is literally right in front of my house, so whenever they want they could look out the window and watch me).  i’ve never been to a sleepover or a birthday party with friends.  they assume that all my friends are horrible people that’ll betray me.  for example, i made a sfx (special effects) cut on my arm with makeup, and apparently my friend was gonna take the photo, send it to the school counselor, and tell them i was trying to kill myself (when my friend knew that the cut was just makeup).

another thing, i have 2 brothers.  the older one is 18, and he’s basically dead to me.  the only time we interact is when he’s yelling at me for the tiniest things.  my other brother is 15, almost 16.  again, he screams at me for the tiniest things.  he purposely pushes my buttons and then acts all surprised and angry when i get upset.  my one brother is constantly saying slurs and being homophobic.

and there’s my dog.  everyone in my house abuses my dog.  they hit her and scream at her for digging, yeah, digging.  when you think of stuff that dogs do, what’s the first things you think about?  chewing on bones, barking, digging, etc. exactly.  i don’t think anyone in my family was ready for an actual dog.  long story short, my old dog died of cancer in august and in his last years he wasn’t active and didn’t really do anything, so i guess that’s what they were used to.

i really don’t have anybody.  my family is dead to me, i basically have no friends, and there’s really nothing else i can do other than kill myself.

HELP YOURSELF

  • Even though you are feeling like you do not have anybody in your life who is there for you, we are so glad that you made the decision to reach out to the TeenCentral community to share your story.  It can be very tough when it seems like you cannot connect with your friends and family members, but please remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  If you are ever having a day when you feel nobody else could understand what’s happening in your life, try reading some of the other stories on the website to see that there are other young people just like you dealing with some of the same issues.
  • It can often feel like you are trapped and all alone in tough situations, but there are lots of people who can be there to assist you!  If you are having thoughts about hurting yourself, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. They are there 24/7 and always ready to listen.  Find more information about this resource and many other great supports, like the Crisis Textline – type HELLO to 741741, on the Help Tab of TeenCentral.com.
  • It seems like you have a good ability to identify people who are not the best for you, but what about those who could help?  Even though your friends and immediate family members may not be the most supportive, are there any other adults in your life who could listen to how you are feeling?  Are there any family members that are closer to your age (like cousins) that you could talk to more often? Talking to somebody else may not seem like it would help very much, but it is often a great way to relieve some of the stress that you are experiencing!

CONSIDER THIS

  • Although your maturity may have made it more complicated to make friends your age, perhaps it may be one of your greatest strengths!  You seem to have developed a lot of independence and a good ability to understand yourself at a young age.  Maybe you could try to use some of these insights to create a Support Plan like the one on the Tools Page of TeenCentral.com.  It can be a really helpful guide to be prepared to safely deal with the tough situations that we all may face.
  • It sounds like you may have a talent for special effects!  If you have a creative side, have you ever thought about using an art journal?  Instead of talking or writing about your feelings, you can draw, paint, or make collages that could capture what is happening in your life and how it is impacting you.  Check out the What’s New Blog post entitled “Art as a Coping Skill for Stress” to learn more about this healthy and enjoyable way to process your thoughts and feelings.
  • Everyone in some way or another is feeling the stress of having to be home more often, worrying about staying healthy and missing out on the things we enjoy. Is it possible some of this stress is also affecting your family members? Sometimes, when we don’t know what to do with all of our stress, we take it out on the people closest to us – like family. Could you consider talking to your family about the stress you’re feeling about being at home so much and ask them how they feel about it too? Maybe you’ll discover you’re all feeling the negative effects of the changes in your lives due to COVID-19. Identifying a problem is often the first step toward solving it. This may open some talk about how to deal with being home together differently.
  • When we are dealing with so many different stressful situations with our friends and family members, it can take up a lot of our energy.  When this happens, we often do not take the time, or may even forget, to take care of ourselves!  Are there any activities or hobbies that you really enjoy?  If you can spend time doing those things that make you feel happy, you may start to feel a little more at peace with the most important person in your life…yourself!