My Brother Outed Me as Bi Last Year and Now I Don’t Think I Like Boys Anymore. I think I’m a Lesbian but I don’t know how to tell my mom based on her reaction last year.
Okay so let me get you caught up. Okay so basically last year in September right before school started I had a girlfriend. But no one really knew about it except my close friends and my older sister. But my brother found out. So we started going in June and we broke up in September because she was going to a new school and I was at the same school so it was basically because of the distance. We both agreed to break up and remain friends. So then one day oddly enough my sister and I were in my room talking about my ex. So then after we finish talking I go into the kitchen to get me something to eat and my mom and my little brother are standing in the kitchen and talking. So then my mom says “Well speak of the devil” and I was confused so I just said “huh” and she was like “nothing” and I wouldn’t give up until my mom told me what she was talking about. So she finally broke and said, “Well (my brother) was just telling me that you had a girlfriend”. And I’m just standing there shaking. I couldn’t compile any words to say cause I’m just like what the actual f***. So then I look at my brother mad as hell at him cause he just f***ing outed me to my mom. And then my mom broke the silence and said “Well did you kiss her?” and I just standing there even more confused. Like that’s the first thing you ask your daughter when they outed??? You ask them “Did you kiss them?” WHAT KIND OF BACKWARDS S*** IS THIS??? So then I say no. (Which we didn’t at the time 😉 if you know you know. So anyways then after that I said “What does it matter? We broke up anyways lol.” My dumb ass tried laughing it off but I failed miserably. So then I lose my appetite and go back to my room. So then I told my older sister what happened and she was pissed off at my brother cause why the f*** would he do that? So then my brother came in my room and I yelled at him and told him to get out. He asked what he did and we told him. I told him that he runs his damn mouth too much. I literally almost cried because I didn’t want my mom to find out. I wasn’t ready to tell her. So then the next day my mom and I were coming home from my Aunt’s house and she said and I quote “You better get that bisexual s*** out your head”. I literally went in the house and cried. I told my sister and she was sad for me and then she got even more mad at my brother because he talked so much. She was also mad at my mom because why would she say that?
So that was the beginning. So at about the end of August I ran away because my mom said some things about my Mental Health because I have depression and I started cutting myself and my mom found out about it so in August my mom thought I was starving myself and I wasn’t so we had to went to Walmart and I was feeling light-headed and I was on my period and I had taken a pill for cramps w/o eating. So when we got in the car and was headed back home and my mom noticed it was something wrong with me. So then I told her what was wrong with me. And then she said “how you go from cutting yourself to starting yourself” and I broke down and ran away and stuff anyways that’s beside the point. After I ran away and stuff I got my phone taken and stuff and only had my laptop. So then I started watching TikToks on my computer and they were mostly Lesbian TikToks. And I basically rediscovered myself. I found out that I truly only like girls and I was just hiding behind the label “Bisexual”. I figured out that I’m a Lesbian. And now that I know I don’t know how to come out to my mom. I’m really scared because when I come out I want to make some changes to myself and the things around me. I’m really scared. Can someone give me some advice please ?
- Thank you for reaching out to Teen Central to share your story. We appreciate that you trusted us to tell your story. We hope you find a community here that shows you are not alone! Please take some time to read some other stories about LGBTQ youth that understand and relate to your experience.
- Take a moment to make sure you have the numbers and contacts for people that can help you anytime you feel alone or hopeless. Sharing that you struggled with cutting tells us that you are carrying very deep pain, and are looking for a way to cope. Anytime you need help, you can CALL 1-800-273-8255 or TEXT HELLO to 741741. You can also use your laptop and connect to help by clicking HERE. You can reach the Textline on your laptop by clicking HERE. Also, you can reach out for help within the LGBTQ community by calling 866-488-7386 or connecting on your laptop by clicking HERE. We hope you see that there is always someone to talk to and YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
- Do you have any trusted adults or friends in your life that you can talk to about your experience? We’re glad you have your sister’s support, but having another person or two that you can talk to in addition can help you feel heard and give you an opportunity to vent your feelings.
- Discovering who you are, and who you feel connected to, is a normal part of growing up. Sadly, this already really complicated part of growing up becomes scary and confusing when you don’t have the support of important people in your life. That doesn’t stop the process of you becoming the person you were meant to be. Just like there are communities online (like us!) and reachable by phone, there are LGBTQ groups in so many places waiting to support you. Consider when you are in school asking a trusted teacher or guidance counselor for help connecting to a group in your area. Also check out the LEARN tab on TeenCentral under SEXUALITY for helpful information.
- Do you have other ways to build on your relationship with your mom? While you may not be on the same page about your identity, there may be other things you enjoy doing together, or common interests you share that you could build on to feel closer to your mom. Respect and trust are important parts of any relationship. If you are able to build on the things that are good in your relationship, it may help you both get through tougher conversations. Check out the WHAT’S NEW blog for information about JOURNALING TO COPE WITH STRESS. Writing your thoughts and feelings can help you find the words you need.
- How you do take care of yourself? It’s really important to manage stress and find ways to balance high levels of stress. This is an important piece of taking care of yourself, just like exercising or eating well, and can really help you get through stressful times. Check out the LEARN tab for information about WELLNESS, including RELAXATION, and SELF-INJURY for ways to keep yourself safe. Consider taking up YOGA, or MEDITATION (which you can find in the TOOLS section) or using art and creativity to express yourself. Don’t forget the simple truth that good sleep and fresh air can help anytime.