Every. Single. Day, me and my mother get into an argument. Sometimes (most of the time) she’ll even hit me. But, it wasn’t always like this. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve “changed” as she says, or if I just hate her in general. Back then, me and my mom used to be super close. I miss the days when we were tight like that. She’s always complaining about how I have a “bratty” attitude, or that I’m a disappointment that’s not grateful for the things she gets in life. She tells me I’m a bitch and that I’m just like my dad. My dad and her have a very shitty relationship, but they make it work. She says I have a rotten mouth, and that she wishes she would’ve aborted me like how my dad asked her to. Sometimes I blame myself for the way she acts. I tell myself I can be a better daughter, that isn’t a bitch and gets perfect grades. Usually these fights don’t affect me, I am used to them at this point as they are the “norm” now in my household. But two weeks ago, one of our fights really affected me. We were fighting about how I’m just like my dad, and that I should get rid of my rotten attitude. The fight wasn’t affecting me, until she said that she hates me. Sure, she’s said some way worse things, but this really affected me for some reason. If me and my mom aren’t fighting, then she’ll smother me in kisses and tell me I’m the best daughter in the world. But ever since that fight, she’s been saying it more often. It scares me. She threatens to hurt me worse than she usually does, and to do it more often. I wish I could be a better daughter.
- First thing I want to say is thank you, for having the courage to reach out to TeenCentral for guidance. Often times, reaching out for help is very difficult, so be proud of yourself for making that big step.
- What you have described about your relationship to your mother seems very stressful and hurtful. Have you ever sat down and talked to her about how you feel? Often times, doing this helps each of you to see where the other is coming from. Start with asking her to have a heart-to-heart conversation. Explain that you just need to talk about how you are feeling and see if she is open to doing that. You could include your dad in the conversation too. If you don’t feel as though you can talk to your mother, it might be a good idea to talk to someone that you can speak to. This can be anyone from a school counselor to a therapist, or even a friend’s parent. This would just need to be a trusted adult that you can let know what is going on.
- Abuse is never ok and putting your hand to hit or hurt people should not be tolerated. We have a blog called ” Getting Help for Abuse on Your Own “which I have hyperlinked here. You can use this as a reference if you would like to let someone know what is going on. If you find yourself needing guidance or resources below is a number you can call for help. Support to all individuals in crisis:
Support to all individuals in crisis
Text “HELLO” to 741741
Journaling before you speak to get your thoughts out on paper might be a good way of expressing yourself. You could use this to prepare yourself for a talk with your mother or someone you trust.
It is very important to work on yourself and feel more confident in how you communicate with others. In the Tools section there is also a tab called Positive Self Talk. Check out ways you can improve how you feel about yourself.
If you would like you can also check out one of our Tools called the Conflict Organizer. I have hyperlinked it here for you . This gives a great blueprint to having those important conversations.
Always, remember to keep your chin up and look for solutions that will work best for you. Keep growing and keep learning that’s how we get better!