When I was in second grade, I cut myself for the first time. I am bipolar and I feel like I can’t control my own feelings. I also have social anxiety, and I feel like no one wants to know me or really likes me. I think I cut myself 2 times a week, but sometimes it’s more. I don’t really remember how much I do it. Every day, all the time, I think suicidal thoughts. It feels like if I do grow up I don’t know what I would do with myself. It would be better for my dad if I wasn’t here because he would have less kids to worry about.
- It sounds like you have a lot of worries on your mind. That must be very difficult to deal with while you’re trying to handle all of the other pressures of life as well. Thank you for reaching out to Teen Central for help.
- Above all else right now is YOUR SAFETY. When you’re having suicidal thoughts, we strongly recommend that you tell a trusted parent or guardian, a counselor, a neighbor, a teacher, a pastor- any adult in your life that can support you in getting the help you need. If you feel you are in immediate danger of hurting yourself, please call the local authorities to come help you. If you feel there is no one you can talk to in your life right now, you can also use
National Suicide Hotline
Helps individuals in suicidal crisis with support
- You may want to consider reaching out to a counselor/ therapist in your area as well. Sometimes it helps to share your feelings with an person whose only job is to help you understand and cope with the things you are feeling. They can offer insight and ideas to help you cope with negative feelings going on in your life. Dealing with something as serious as Bipolar Disorder is something many adults need help to manage. It’s not unusual to feel like you can’t control your feelings, and it is really important to get the help you need – sometimes medications are necessary and it’s a good idea to consider therapy.
Some Things to Try:
- When it comes to making friends, one thing you could try would be to go places that you enjoy. Is there somewhere locally that you like to spend time, or is there a new hobby that you’d like to learn? Somewhere that you enjoy yourself is where you’ll act most naturally and stand out to people who enjoy the same things you do. Maybe try bringing 1 person with you to help you feel more comfortable.
- Have you tried journaling? It’s a great way to get your feelings out and not have to worry someone’s reaction. Under “What’s New” on our site, we have a blog dedicated to the idea of journaling. There are also many other blogs that may interest you, including using music or art as a coping skill.
- Under our “Learn” tab, we have several topics that may be of interest to you, including depression, anxiety and suicide. You may want to try reading through some of these for ideas on understanding and coping with your thoughts.
- Most importantly, take care of you! You don’t have to know what your life will be like years from now- just focus on today. You’re not alone in worrying about your future- but what a wonderful future it could be.