I’m going to take my life on my birthday….I started getting good grades on online schooling and my fam decided for me that they would put me on some f@#*ing hellhole of another online school till 11th grade….I have no friends at all, never got to tell the boy I like how I feel I feel stuck at home, depressed, angry, I feel murderous meaning If my parents keep making decisions for me I’m going to blow the hell up. My moms a damn control freak and is dumber than you’d think, she says ” you can’t wear crop tops they make you look like a whore” little does she know I’m a big freaking rule breaker when I’m angry. she says ” you can’t wear chokers its what whores wear” I have three in my bedroom. I’m blonde with blue eyes, five foot four, I’ve got what’s called “a fair complexion” I’m fairly skinny as in less than 120 lbs and my mom feels the need to call me a “skinny bitch” I have to pretend to like her… but in reality I hate her. I want to like her but she makes that too flippin hard. I have ADHD ADD PTSD and I admit I am a little insane…my problem I act badass because I know I am…but I can’t seem to talk to people (aka Hot guy I’m totally crushing on) without feeling ill and turning so damn red…not to mention sounding like an elephant that just snorted crack. How the hell do I get over this shit, and if you give me some crap ass list of shit on this dumb website to look through…know this I’ve looked everywhere here and none of it helps, so either give me some real advice from other teens or just point me somewhere so I can talk face to face with someone.
FIRST THINGS FIRST…
- We want you to be here for this birthday AND many more to come. If you ever have the intention of harming yourself, please reach out to the crisis text line. I know you don’t want any cliché advice, but this will help keep you alive, and its easy (JUST ONE TEXT AWAY). Just text the word “Hello” to 741-741. I know it isn’t the face to face contact you are wanting but its immediate! And that is vital.
- Even though you are going to virtual school, that doesn’t mean you can’t access “in-person” resources. Here’s where you can start. Reach out to one of your teachers and ask to make an appointment with the guidance counselor. Do it on zoom, email or call them. They may be able to see you in person. If not, they can get you the contact information for someone who will see you face to face.
- You do seem like a pretty “badass” chic, but that doesn’t mean things aren’t going to get tough every now and again. Coming to the understanding that you’re going through a rough patch can be both scary and difficult. It sounds like you’re already prepared to take the next step. So, I’m not going to suggest resources or tools from this website, but what I am going to do is challenge you. Let me know if you’re up for it?
IF YOU’RE UP FOR IT…
- Change your approach with your mom— it seems like there is a lot of conflict going on with her. The way you two are communicating doesn’t seem to be working. When arguments start, stop, take a breath, and attempt to see her point of view. I know this may seem lame, but IF you can see through the eyes of another person it helps with ongoing communication. Try the “killing her with kindness” approach. It may just catch her off guard.
- Channel your tough girl image for good (not evil)— put all of that “bad ass” energy into something positive. Have you ever had that feeling like “I’ll show them”? Take all that negativity you may hear or think and turn it into something awesome. Set a goal! Run a 5k! Write a novel! Talk to that boy! Whatever it is that you put your mind to, try it, accomplish it! Get at it!
- Say 5 things about yourself that you LOVE– And no this isn’t corny advice, this is something I want you to actually do. Actually, do it everyday! Write it down too, so you don’t forget the amazing things about yourself. You have value and worth and it is those amazing things that the world needs to see from you.