My boyfriend and I are having issues because of his loyalty. To sum it up he cheated on me twice with an ex of his and another girl and then got a sex partner for a few weeks while we were split, but they stopped talking shortly after we got back together. He still says hi to her and the ex he cheated on me with, but he keeps it mostly casual. He cheated because I wasn’t doing enough sexual things for him and I was stressing him out so he went to them for pleasure. Now that he doesn’t cheat on me, I feel extremely insecure and inferior to other girls because I’m afraid he might do it again. He gets really annoyed with me for feeling this way because he thinks it’s petty. I can’t leave him and don’t want to but I’m not sure what I should do next.
- Thank you for reaching out to us to help you through this situation. Learning how to navigate relationships in your life can feel very overwhelming at times, especially the ones that are your choice.
- Trust is a critical piece of any relationship as it becomes closer, and in some ways is an important piece of WHY relationships can become closer, more intimate, and more special. It sounds like you are having a difficult time trusting your boyfriend based on his past decisions. Trust is easy to break and difficult to rebuild. As you’re considering what to do, who do you have in your life that you can trust and talk to about this? Family members, counselors, teachers, other trusted adults in your life? It may help you to have someone you can talk to about your feelings.
- Any relationship- friends, significant others, even family- should be one in which the other person is a positive extension of yourself. They should raise you up, not make you feel smaller. Ask yourself how you feel with this person you’re involved with. Are you with them for the right reasons? Do they make you feel stronger, or more sure of yourself? This doesn’t mean the relationship is always smooth, but those tough moments should be to benefit you both, not make one of you feel inferior to the other. As you’re considering what to do in this relationship, you may want to use the tool about Making Hard Decisions to help.
- It may be beneficial to make a list of qualities you want in a partner. Once you have the list, mark off the ones that are non-negotiable. Is trust one of those? How about open communication? If so, you may want to think about whether or not this is the best relationship for you. Check out our information about Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships for some information.
- Have you considered talking with any couples that you know and trust that show some of the qualities you are looking for in a relationship? You could ask them what they do to make their relationship work. It’s different for everyone, but it may give you some ideas about how to approach your decisions involving your boyfriend moving forward.
- Whatever you decide, it’s important to remember that you deserve to be loved in a way that makes you feel supported and strong. Not everyone in our lives is able to provide what we need, regardless as to how much we want them to. Don’t let anyone disregard your feelings. You deserve more than that.