Self-Harm and Self-Hate

By August 27, 2019August 29th, 2019No Comments

I’m 14 and I have been self-harming for three months now after I found out my best friend was raped. What do I do? My self hate is overpowering me. I don’t know what to do…


  • Harming yourself can make you feel alone and worried. You are strong for seeking help even though it’s difficult for you.
  • If you need someone to talk to, you can visit the Teen Central website and click the Help tab to call one of the hotlines or a textline. You can click the Learn tab to read about Self Injury or other issues you may have such as Depression or Anxiety. Click the Stories tab to read stories submitted by other teens and their responses. You may also speak to a trusted therapist, school counselor or religious leader you can trust about your problems.
  • Caring about the feelings of others can make you feel like you have their problems too. You can find many positive ways to care about others that don’t include destroying yourself and your body. You can practice self-care by taking care of your body, mind and spirit.
  • Instead of hurting yourself because your best friend was hurt, you can choose to do something about it by volunteering. For example, help rape victims and others who’ve been abused by training to become a counselor. This can help you learn how to help and comfort¬† your friend better when necessary. You can also make positive changes in the world by volunteering to do writing, art or other work for an organization you admire. Find an opportunity online or in your area by using websites such as Volunteermatch or others. Helping others can take your focus off your own problems so you can have peace of mind.
  • Knowledge is power. You can learn more about how to help your best friend and yourself by reading educational internet articles and books about self-harm, rape and more.
  • Spirituality can help you accept the things you can’t change, live a more meaningful life, have faith in a higher power and forgive the person who hurt your best friend. You can try yoga, meditation or prayer to be more spiritual. You may also attend church services.
  • You can be positive by repeating positive affirmations to yourself when necessary. Read inspiring quotes or write down a few things you’re grateful for in a daily journal. Get your mind off things by reading a favorite book or watching cartoons among other things. Always have something to hope for to keep yourself from spiralling out of control into a negative state of mind. The Teen Central website has downloadable resources about positivity, yoga, healthy and unhealthy relationships, and more located under the Tools tab.
  • You can find something else to focus on by doing homework, exercising or setting healthy goals.
  • Rather than harm yourself, you can express your feelings in a healthy way by doing creative activities. These include drawing, creative writing, painting, coloring in a coloring book, playing a musical instrument or listening to music that you can relate to among other things.
  • Writing down your feelings in a daily journal can help you release tension and calm down.
  • Self-harm is dangerous and can cause serious injuries or death, even if you don’t mean to hurt yourself badly. You can learn more about how to stop self-harm by reading this article: Cutting and Self-Harm from
  • If you commit to taking care of your own health, you’ll be more capable of helping your best friend heal from a traumatizing experience.


  • How is destroying yourself a waste of time, and how can you commit to using your time in a more meaningful way?
  • Can you make a list of the many reasons why your life matters and why you deserve to love yourself? What would that list look like?
  • In what ways can you become a stronger person from your best friend’s horrible experience and from your own?
  • In what ways can having a positive mindset make your life easier now and in the future?
  • How can having a positive mindset help you improve your best friend’s life?