I’ve been texting a guy that knew my father when he was alive. He died 5 years ago. Yes I know I’m emotional mental gifiing and accept that 5 years later. And yes talking to this guy helps, but also at a lot times it’s in awkward/weird situations. For example, I use to text him when my father was alive from different number and he’d ask for who I am and I don’t want and prefer not to answer his question of who I am. Yes, there is a lot of consideration behind why I don’t answer his question, one being maturity. NEED ADVICE
HELP YOURSELF:
- Thank you so much for reaching out to the TeenCentral Community for support. It takes a lot of courage to share your story and ask for help. We appreciate you trusting us.
- The effects of loss have no expiration date and impact everyone differently. We encourage you to check out the section on “Grief and Loss” under the “Learn” tab for some information to support you during this time.
- Reaching out to us at TeenCentral is a great step in working through your thoughts about this situation, and talking to others who are familiar with you and your life is also extremely beneficial. Are there any trusted positive adults in your life that you feel comfortable talking to? Getting feedback from people who already know you and perhaps even this other person can help you decide how to handle your contact with this person. Also, it can help you feel less like you have to handle this on your own. Often times just feeling like we don’t have to deal with something alone makes things easier to overcome.
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE:
- You said talking to this guy helps with some of your grief related to losing your father. Remembering things and sharing stories about loved ones are some awesome ways to remember and honor people that have died or aren’t in our lives anymore. It helps us feel connected to them, and can ease some of the pain that comes from grief. Since talking with this person is also causing some stress for you, are there other people that knew your father (family members, friends, neighbors) that you could talk with that wouldn’t cause the same stress for you?
- Another way that some people deal with losing someone they love is talking to them or writing to them. Losing a loved one, especially a parent, can make us feel lonely. Similar to prayer, feeling connected to the person by telling them about your life and your thoughts and feelings can help soothe some of that loneliness.
- Clearly the decision about telling this person who you are is a tough one for you. Trust your gut. If this doesn’t feel ok, maybe it’s time to stop talking to this person for a while and see how that feels. Talking to this person probably isn’t the only thing that’s keeping your father’s memory alive for you, and it may be costing you more in stress and worry than it’s worth. There’s a tool about Making Hard Decisions in our Tools section that may help.
- Another important aspect of helping yourself through this situation is practicing good self-care and taking time to do things that make you happy and bring you peace. What are the tasks and hobbies that you enjoy? (Don’t forget to think about things you used to enjoy, but haven’t done lately). What would it feel like to spend 10 minutes a day doing some of these activities? Even little things like exercising, talking to friends, listening to music, and enjoying nature can have huge benefits to your mental, emotional, and physical health.
