Change

Change

My best friend and neighbor can’t stand my boyfriend. She is always against him, and later she just stopped talking to me. We’ve been living like this since she moved in next door five years ago. We are the same age; friends between 14 and 16. She is very judgmental, but not just with me, with mostly everyone. Any little thing, she takes it to the extreme. I have to see her because we do things together. What should I do about it? Help.

CONSIDER THIS:

  • Having a friend that’s too judgmental can make you feel attacked and hated. You are smart for trying to fix the situation you’re faced with even though it’s difficult.
  • If you need someone to talk to, you can head to the Teen Central website and click the Help tab to call a hotline. You may also speak to a trusted therapist, school counselor or religious leader.
  • Your friend may have issues that she needs help with. You can try kindly suggesting she speak to a trusted therapist about her problems. Besides this, consider letting her know that you’re there to listen to her if she needs someone to talk to about anything that bothers her. You can also let her know in a peaceful manner how you feel about being judged by her and that this is unacceptable in a real friendship.
  • If she continues to be judgmental, you have the right to end your friendship with her. No one deserves to be treated badly for no good reason. You deserve to have real friends who care about you as a person and who will always let you be yourself. You can go to the Teen Central website and click the Learn tab then Bullying to learn more about this problem.
  • If you’re forced to be stuck with a negative person, you can find ways to avoid her. You can use your imagination to get away by reading books, doing art, writing in a journal or using headphones to listen to music. You may also do meditation or prayer in your head to have some peace.
  • Your friend may have problems with selfishness. For this reason, you can help her forget about her petty ways by volunteering together. Some ways to give back include helping out at an animal shelter, create cards or write letters to send to those in need or join an environmental organization among others. Find opportunities online or in your area by visiting websites like Volunteermatch.
  • Maybe your friend has good reasons you haven’t considered for not liking your boyfriend. He may be bad for you and could make you more negative than you know. You can talk to her about this and ask her why she doesn’t like him. If she has a valid reason for not liking him, you may want to listen to her more.
  • You can try being more spiritual. If you’re forced to endure judgment, spirituality can help you accept the things you can’t change, forgive those that have wronged you and have peace of mind. Spiritual techniques include prayer, meditation and yoga. You may also attend church services alone or ask your friend to come along.
  • Sometimes people judge others because they just can’t face that they’re the ones that make mistakes. Your friend may be too stubborn to stop judging others and admit her wrongs. No one can be genuine friends with someone who won’t forgive themselves. Some people need to be left alone and simply can’t be helped because they won’t do the right thing.

HELP YOURSELF:

  • How can only having healthy relationships help you live the life you deserve now and in the future?
  • In what ways can being yourself help you find genuine friends who truly love and respect you?
  • In what ways can you help your friend be a better person?