Feeling suicidal from a lost crush

By October 27, 2019No Comments

I really thought this boy liked me. He was the world to me. I loved him so much. But now he’s with someone else and I don’t want to be alive anymore because he was the world to me. He’s dating this other girl who isn’t a freak, pretty and amazing. I wish I could just die or something like that because I’m not good enough. I’ll never be good enough. No one will ever love me because everyone calls me ugly and annoying. I thought he liked me. We had shit go on in 6th grade. Like we would say jokes, laugh, sometimes I would even catch him staring at me. I felt good. And I liked him because no one really likes me, infact, I spend a lot of time with the real me, and I hate that me. But when I was with him, I didn’t. It’s just the way it goes, ain’t it? Now he’s gone and I realized you never know what you have, until it’s gone. I just never thought I’d lose him. I didn’t cry when I found out because I just didn’t want to. But I can’t live anymore. No one ever liked me besides this one kid but we never dated because I said no. Life is horrible. I have no friends, no faith, no hope, no love, no happiness, no one. My aunt died. I never liked her but it sucks to see my dad sad. I’m thinking that in fourteen days I should end my life. The reason why I chose fourteen days is because 1. That is my crush’s favorite number. 2. I want to finish the Bojack Horseman series. 3. I want to make it to my birthday if I can. I don’t feel anything anymore besides sadness. Nothing is working out and I feel like killing my self is the only answer. I just have to do what I have to do because nothing really matters anymore. I know my parents will be sad. I might gain a little ‘fame’ by committing suicide. It might embarrass my parents. But they could change their lasts names, move somewhere far away, adopt a new daughter, and be happy. People told me not to kill my self but I don’t see why not. 1. I get a little fame out of it. 2. People will at least appreciate me. 3. I know things will never get better so I should just stop wasting my time. 4. It’ll lead me to internal peace. I really hope that one day, my life will get better. Oh wait, that’ll never happen.

Consider this:

  • First of all, thank you for writing in to TeenCentral and expressing your feelings.  This is the first part of working through a problem and realizing that there are so many other teens who have been in your situations, rejected by a crush, and feel so emotional that they feel life cannot go on.  But, it can!  If you read through the pages of Teen Central you will see there are teens who have been right where you are and they have gotten through it!
  • Remember that these feelings are not permanent and can pass, even when they feel like they won’t.  It is hard to think that you will work through this, but be certain you will.  Suicide is not the answer.  You have a reason to be here and may not realize it yet, but you do.  Reach out to a trusted adult right now and share how you are feeling so you can get some help.  Don’t keep this to yourself.  If one person does not help you, keep trying until you get the help you need.
  • Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings- if you are feeling worse, seek help.  Get help right away.  You can call the hotline below or find someone to be with until you feel better.  Don’t try to manage this alone.
  • Place yourself around safe people you trust.  Find the people you trust and stick with them.  Even if you need to just sit with them to be around people, do that.  Let them know that you need them and that they should not leave you.
  • Remove yourself from unsafe objects. Ask an adult to help you with this.  They can be the ones to lock up unsafe items and keep them out of your sight.
  • Seek professional help!  Talk to an adult to help you find a counsleor to support you.  If you can’t find an adult that will help you, seek out your school guidance counselor or school social worker.  They can work with your parents to help you find a counselor in your area.
  • Remember that the TeenCentral Help page has a list of available resources and helplines.  Take a look through these and enter the ones you  need into your phone so you have them when you need them.
  • Call the National Suicide Hotline- the number is 1-800-273-TALK. Program it in your phone for emergencies!  This is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week when you need it.

Help Yourself:

  • Who can you reach out to so you can surround yourself with trusted people?
  • What adult can you talk to about finding a counselor in your area?
  • What stories do you relate to on Teen Central?
  • In the next 14 days, what can you do to help yourself stay safe?