Ever since my parents made me do online schooling I’ve been getting depressed. First I was okay and now being online schooled for almost a year against my will I’ve started harming myself. I had so many plans for going back to school in person and frankly I don’t give s**t about covid. Its fake I have started harming myself. I mean…I broke a pencil in half and drug it across my arm, back, neck, shoulders, stomach… anywhere I could reach. I’m angry and unhappy because I thrive in in person school….But mostly I miss the guy I like. I haven’t seen him in more than a year no thanks to my parents and I just can’t stand my life. My sister is selfish and I literally held a knife to my throat the other day to see if she cared or if she would stop me but she didn’t so I dropped the knife and went outside and listened to music while crying on my walk. I miss My high school, my friends but I can’t survive until 11th grade so I’m purposefully failing online school because I know mom and dad won’t ever force me if they knew my pain and suffering. zoom isn’t enough interaction I need more friends who care and if they force me to do online on 11th grade I’m killing myself on my 18th birthday and they won’t be able to stop me because It won’t be in the house Its going to be in the middle of the golf course and a note to say why I did what I did so they have 10 months to notice my depression and fix it or I’m gone because frankly I have nothing to lose….I’ve faced the hard truth that my sister doesn’t love me anymore and I give up on life…Maybe I’ll do it today… who would care anyway my crush I don’t think likes me back, my bff ditched me, my siblings are banding against me….and my mom and dad…they don’t care.
Ways to Help Yourself:
- Thank you for sharing your story with Teen Central. It sounds like you’re going through alot right now. It took courage and strength to reach out for help. You are not alone with the feelings you have with virtual learning and feeling sad.
- If you are ever feeling unsafe, or you feel that you have no one you can turn to please reach out to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They are available 24 hours a day, you can contact them by calling 1-800-273-8255 or Click here for the website. If you would rather text someone you can contact the crisis help line by texting “Hello” to 741-741. We want you to be here.
- If you ever feel like you need some help immediately and you are feeling those overwhelming thoughts, you can always call law enforcement in your area. They will be able to get you the help you need so that you stay safe.
- Who can you talk to about all of this? Think about it; a trusted family member, close friend, teacher, or guidance counselor? Even though you are in school virtually, there are adults for you to talk to. If you don’t want to do so via zoom, see if you can set up a meeting with them in person. It is important for you to talk about your feelings and for you to have someone to turn to when you feel unsafe. Keeping these thoughts and feelings hidden inside may cause you to feel worse or hopeless. Finding someone to talk to can help you in releasing these feeling and feeling better.
- It might be helpful to express your thoughts and feelings safely. There are many resources on Teen Central that could help you with your feelings of sadness and depression. Look under the Tools Tab for a workbook on Depression. Filling this out could help you not only express when and what makes you feel this way, but also who you will talk to should you feel unsafe. This would also be a tool you could complete and share with a trusted adult, teacher or guidance counselor.
- Have you had a conversation with your parents about how virtual school makes you feel? Could you possibly meet up with friends to socialize after school hours? Is there a sport or club you can join? Maintaining connections could help you feel better, even if you continue virtual schooling for the year. Advocate for yourself and explain why it is important to your parents. They may not know how difficult this has been for you or how you are feeling.
- It is important to remain active. Especially when you are on a computer learning most of the day. Exercise helps release endorphins that in turn can help your overall health and your sense of well-being. What activities do you like to do? Maybe going for a walk or jog, taking a bike ride, or trying yoga? Find an activity that you enjoy and it could help you feel better and get stressful things off of your mind. It is getting warmer out and getting out of the house and soaking up some rays could instantly make you feel better.