I don’t wanna be alive. I feel I don’t matter and no one cares about me anymore including my dad. Life is difficult… I tried running away and killing myself and I am only 12 and already don’t wanna live. I am not happy anymore. My best friend almost died. My dad doesn’t care about me only about my stepmom. God made a mistake when he created me. I want my mom to have full custody of me. My own brother is in a foster home and my Grammy died Christmas Eve a year ago. Nothing is fun to me anymore. I am the complete opposite of perfect…… I don’t know who to believe. I go to therapy but I am not doing any better. Life just keeps proceeding to get worse. I attempted suicide in a couple of different ways. I don’t feel comfortable with anyone. I am scared that everyone is bad. I want to have friends but I don’t think any of mine care. Life would be better without me. I have a difficult life. I have suffered anxiety and depression for 3 years now. Take me away from earth. I beg you.
- It sounds like you are in so much pain. We can hear what you’re feeling through your writing – the frustration, the general feelings of being overwhelmed with life, the fear that things will not get better. I’m so proud of you for reaching out to the TeenCentral community for help – what a great step for you. That can be really hard to do.
- First things first – if you are not safe right now or anytime in the future I want to remind you that there are people who can help. On the “HELP” tab of TeenCentral.com there are many helplines and websites but two in particular come to mind for you specifically that could help. They are available 24/7 for people in crisis. The NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE – 1-800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org and also the CRISIS TEXT LINE – Text “HELLO” to 741741 www.crisistextline.org
- I’m so glad that you are seeing a therapist and even though it’s not getting better yet I want to encourage you to stick with it. Sometimes therapy takes a long time to work. It’s a process. There’s a lot going on for you and so it will take a while to sort out. Don’t give up.
- What would you like to be when you grow up? Imagine yourself at the age of 25. How do you hope your life will be? What job will you have? Will you have children? Will you be married or not?
- You mentioned that God made a mistake with you. Do you believe in God? Is faith something you’d like to explore more? Some people find faith very helpful during stressful times of life.
- What were the qualities you loved about your Grammy? What were some of the good times you shared together? Would your Grammy want you to live on and be happy in life? How can you honor her?