Stories

I Can’t Express Love

By July 10, 2021No Comments

I feel like my mom doesn’t like me anymore. When I was a little kid we had the best bond, she didn’t hurt me as much. Over the past couple of years it has been horrible. I have so much built up anger towards her and am on edge whenever I am around her.

My whole life, I have always spoken my mind. Even when she would hit me, or call me names, I always said something back. More recently, I have just stayed quiet. I don’t want to be treated like this in the future and not say anything then either.

She always threatens to call the police if I want to do something that she doesn’t feel like taking me to. I am not a bad kid. I know I’m not. I have good grades, I’m in advanced classes, never smoked, drank, etc. I don’t want to do bad things. Yet, my mom thinks I am a bad kid.

I can barely even go out, and if I do, she has to be there. She always has to be standing over me. She has no trust for me whatsoever yet I have never broken it, I just don’t get a chance.

My household also never shows affection. My mom and dad are the only people in relation to
me that I can see. My parents hate each other. They are not together but only stick around because they rely on each other financially.

Because I have never seen love or empathy from anyone around me, I do not know how to express it. I feel it, but it stays inside. I have watched numerous movies about it and I want to express love and empathy so bad, I just don’t know how.

I want to go into psychology and neuroscience when I get out of high school, and cannot wait to leave my home. I have an admiration for books and writing, so I try to cope with that. I just want to learn how to love, and to feel it with my own mom.

Help yourself:

  • It sounds like you have been struggling deeply with your feelings and relationship with your mother, thank you for reaching out to TeenCentral. Sometimes the hardest step is reaching out for help and talking about what is upsetting you.
  • One of the things we want you to have on hand is some resources in case you get to a point that you really need someone to talk to, like right away. You can ALWAYS, ANYTIME call 1-800-273-8255 or text HELLO to 741741. Someone will always answer, and always be there to help you.
  • Consider checking out the “Learn” tab on the Teencentral website. Here you can find helpful information about anger management and wellness. The anger management tab helps to identify your triggers and ways to appropriately address them.
  • Have you ever discussed these feelings and your relationship with Mom with a trusted adult or peer? Sometimes having such discussions with others in person makes processing, coping with, and addressing these concerns much more achievable. Do you have any aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, friends, teachers, or even guidance counselors that are good listeners that you can reach out to for support?

Consider this:

  • When feeling on edge have you ever considered using your journal to write stories about the experience? Sometimes writing a story based upon the experience helps you to decide your next steps toward healing. Some people find it easier to write about their feelings than to say them, so they choose to share their writing to help others know their thoughts.
  • Have you considered trying to talk with one or both of your parents about how stressed you are feeling? It sounds like you are close with your parents, spending most of your time with them, but still pretty distant when it comes to letting them know how you feel. Expressing feelings and talking things through takes practice, just like any other skill. You may consider telling your mom how much you miss being close to her. Or maybe asking her to help you understand the reasons she puts strict limits on you, and if there’s a problem with trust between you. It may be a hard conversation, but also could help you both feel closer in the long run.
  • It’s important when we’re going through stressful events to keep doing things that are fun, creative or relaxing. Our minds and bodies need breaks from the intensity of problems we’re working through. Sometimes stepping away from a problem for a while can help you figure out what to do because you’re better able to think. You mentioned that you love books and writing – great! Some people like to be active, and exercise. And still other people really enjoy getting some time outside, connecting with nature. Whatever it is for you, if it’s diving more into a great book, or writing a story yourself, or trying something new, take some time – everyday – and let your mind and body rest by doing something enjoyable. In the “Learn” tab, under the category “Wellness”, you can find many sources for overall health and wellness.