When I was little my bio parents brought some bad people into my life. At age seven a CPS worker came and took me and my siblings away. I was in foster care for five years and got adopted in 2015. In may of 2019 I lost 1 cat, and in November I lost another. In 2018 my Grandma died. If God actually cared about me then why would he put all this pain in my life. I also found out my bio mom had two babies a year after I was taken from her. I cannot ever like god. I feel bad for my adoption parents because they are major catholics but I could never ever trust god again. I don’t think he’s real and If he was I choose the Devil, because it feels like he has answered me and God has not.
- First and foremost, thank you for trusting Teen Central and for sharing what you’re going through. We’re here to help you, and hope you can find some of the resources you need within our online community.
- It sounds like you have endured a lot of loss, and continue to be disappointed in what life is handing you. Where do you find positivity to carry you through each day? Make a list of all of the things, no matter how small, that bring you joy and hope. Keep this list with you, save it in a note to keep in your phone, or a small slip of paper for your pocket. In these moments when you are feeling frustrated and alone this list can be a tangible item that will help you remember what have to look forward to. This is a short term fix, but it may help bring momentary positivity to your day while you dive in deeper to some of these thoughts.
- It is normal to question your faith, especially when you have so many reasons to feel disappointment and mistrust. I encourage you to take a look at some of the resources we have here, as well as reach out to a spiritual leader, pastor, counselor, or another adult who can process some of these big questions out loud. Right here on Teen Central we have a Spirituality section under the Learn tab where you can learn about many different religions. Reading and conversing more about religion and spirituality, and the difference between the two, may help to guide you through some difficult decisions.
- You have mentioned a few moments here where you experienced some pretty severe loss and disappointment. What has helped you to get through these difficult moments? I can tell you’re a strong person, you’ve endured so much! When you look back on these experiences, where do you notice your own personal growth? What have you gained from the adversity you’ve faced so far in your life? How can you take those strengths and use that power in a positive way?
- This is a BIG question: What do you expect from your God? Some see God as a ‘fix-all’ solution to count on when things get rough, and then get frustrated and angry when life seems hopeless, or their prayers aren’t answered as they expected. Others see Him as a source of constant challenges and reminders that strength and hard work are necessary to get through every day, and are grateful for every single challenge they encounter. Even more are right in the middle of this line, and change their minds daily. Simmer on this question. You may not immediately have an answer, and the answer may change as you go through life. That’s ok. Your walk through your faith is just that, YOUR walk.
- It sounds like you are really searching for something sturdy, grounded, and trustworthy, and that you were counting on your faith to be that foundation for you. If you do decide that your faith is not what you need, where can you find this stable ground? Think about that list mentioned in the section above, and pick out the common threads. Does the same activity, person, or feeling show up on your list more than once? If not, it’s time to discover something which will consistently add positivity to your life. What are you able to engage in that doesn’t disappoint you? If you haven’t already, click around in the What’s New, and Tools section to find resources and information. Your new self-care practice may be waiting for you in there!