I’m a college student who recently came out to her parents. They took the news as well as I’d hoped for, so I decided to introduce them to my girlfriend last night. They were polite, but I could tell from their body language that something was wrong. Then this morning, my mom admitted to me that she and dad aren’t really comfortable with the thought of me dating outside my race. I’m white and my girlfriend is Asian-American.
Needless to say, I’m beyond shocked right now. This is the last thing I ever expected and I’m really struggling to process this revelation right now. I cannot remember my parents ever expressing a racist thought when I was growing up, so what the hell? Where is this coming from???
Help Yourself
- It must feel very confusing to feel like you’ve worked through one difficulty with your family only to feel confronted with another. Thank you for trusting us enough to share your story and entrusting us to help.
- First, we want to acknowledge the strength it takes to share such an important aspect of your life with your family and others. We’re glad that you felt supported enough to bring your girlfriend to meet them.
- It sounds like your parents and you are all trying to understand each other right now. The positive part of this is that you are all communicating. It may not be everything you or they want to hear, but that’s a great start to getting to where you all want to be. You may not agree with each other, but respecting each other’s feelings right now is a start. It gives you room to work through the situation.
- Is there anyone in your life that you can talk to who can be a positive support system while you work through this with your parents? If not, you may want to consider contacting this LGBTQ hotline for additional support
Support for LGBT youth
Youth Talkline: 1800-246-PRIDE (7743)
http://www.glbthotline.org/youth-talkline.html
Consider This
- One expectation that most children of any age have for their parents is that they know how to handle most things. It’s often easy to forget that there are many “firsts” going on for them when dealing with their children as well. If you were able to come out to your parents, and you say you’ve never seen them express any racial bias before now, you may want to consider sitting down with them and having a conversation with them about it. Try writing down what you want to say, and maybe practicing it with someone you trust, so that you can remember the points you want to make.
- You may want to try giving yourself and your parents a little time to settle into things. Not so long that it seems like you’ve all moved on, but enough time to gather thoughts and prepare for a productive discussion.
- While you work through this with your family, please remember that it takes a lot of strength to be confident in who you are and what you believe in. You’ve shown so much courage getting to this point- don’t stop now! Be proud of the amazing person you’ve become.
