My mom and dad and sister have been fighting for months about my sister breaking the rules. My sister has had a hard life and almost everyone has given up on her, including my mom and dad. I came to my mom the other day and said, “it’s only a few months until school is over.” Mom said “yep, it’s also only a few months until you, dad, and I are happy because we don’t have to live with your sister anymore.” I looked at her and said “the only people who are happy my sis is leaving are you and dad, not me so keep me out of this.” I am scared for my sister because she can’t do basic math and things like that so how is she going to survive? I don’t want her to go because I’m scared and I’ll miss her. I won’t be able to talk to her for a while because she doesn’t have a phone…so I’m not going to have my older sis to talk to about my sadness.
My family doesn’t care and because I’m a person who doesn’t show much emotion around others, I’ve taken to pushing sewing needles in and out of my hand just so I can feel something besides sadness and an ache for my sister. My sis and I have almost literally been through Hell and back together. We were abused at a young age, we went to tons of foster homes we got split from our other siblings…I can’t cope with her leaving given the fact that she is NOT ready. She doesn’t even know how to do taxes and important life skills. She can’t defend herself and I’m at a loss as to what I can do in the next few months to prepare her for what mom and dad are too stupid to help her with. I’m 17 and I don’t have a job so I’m practically useless to her.
My sister doesn’t know this, but I don’t care about friends because I consider her my Best friend even though we fight a lot…it’s only playful fighting though. I need someone who’s gone through a sibling moving out to help me because I cannot let her leave when I know she won’t make it. I love her so much so that I cry when I think about her leaving. Some people have said that I’m too attached but when you go through what I and my sis have together come back and tell me what you really think.
WAYS TO HELP YOURSELF
- Thank you for having the courage to share your story with the Teen Central Community. It sounds like you have been going through a very rough transition. It is normal to have the feelings you are experiencing regarding your sister leaving as well as the tension in the home.
- I hear you saying that you don’t care about friends because your sister is your best friend, and I’m glad to hear you are so close with your sister, but are there any other resources you can reach out to for support? I understand your sister is still in the home, but it is always good to have more than one trusted friend, family member, or adult in your life to help you along your way.
- Unfortunately, your sister won’t have a phone when she leaves, but if she is leaving for school, perhaps she will have internet access at the library so you can be in touch. In addition, it might be a great time to take up writing letters until she has phone contact. The letters keep you in contact and also double as a type of journaling that you can both keep and look back on later.
- It sounds like the feelings you are having are pretty intense – so intense that you are using self injury as a way to cope with those feelings. TeenCentral has some resources for you that may help in that area. Check out the LEARN tab on our Teen Central page and look at the resources for Grief & Loss as well as the link on Self Injury. Also when coping with your feelings, check out our TOOLS tab for great ideas on how to cope positively with stress. If your feelings ever continue to get worse, or so bad that you think you may do more and more serious things to hurt yourself please utilize the National Crisis Textline. Text “HELLO” to 741741. If you don’t have a phone you can visit their website at www.crisistextline.org and use their chat function to talk to someone.
IF YOU ARE UP FOR IT
- Think about some ways you can cope before your sister leaves and after she leaves.What are some things you can do together now so that you make some really good memories together? For one – we would recommend telling your sister that she’s your best friend. We bet that this will mean a lot to her and bring the two of you even closer.
- I know that you are very worried for your sister, but here is the thing. There are also many resources available to her outside the home where she can get help with some of those life skills she will need. There are a lot of people who struggle with basic math skills but also make it quite well in the world. They are able to go to school, get jobs and learn to balance a check book. I say these things to you in order to help you have hope that this is not the end for your sister. It’s not like she has a “deadline” and if she doesn’t learn all of these things before she leaves home, then she’s “doomed”. Life unfolds a bit at a time, and we all are continually learning all the time. Listen – lot’s of grown-up middle aged adults STILL don’t understand their taxes! So have hope dear one. Things may not be quite as bad as they seem right now.
- Here’s a little something for you – check out our WHAT’S NEW tab on the Teen Central page for posts on the importance of good sleep, journaling, art as a coping skill, and killing boredom. Perhaps you can find a great new hobby, activity, or sensory strategy to help you as you navigate these times.
- Thank you again for reaching out to Teen Central, it takes courage to share and everyone’s story matters.